Let's all pretend like this is real work

So I really really ought to be working on my IRB proposal like I promised my sister I would do tonight, but instead I'm writing to you. But because we both know you're a good friend, let's just pretend like this really is helping me prepare for my trip in some way. After all, the key to being a good writer is practice, right?

Actually, I am glad to be writing tonight. It's been an awfully odd week and it'll be nice to get some of it out. Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've had in a very long time. Unfortunately, I didn't handle it like much of a champ either. Instead, I allowed myself to completely sink in to my "I don't feel happy...somebody please love me..." mode. And while that's not the end of the world, it's actually an exhausting feeling and it doesn't go very far towards figuring out what's actually bothering me. However, thanks to some quiet time and (no surprise here) a few very kind and patient friends, I've been able to figure out what was causing me such heartache. The thing is I've been acutely more lonely and more self conscious lately. And I know that's something that everyone goes through from time to time, but I'm glad to say that overall these are unusual feelings for me. So the surface issue was just that I was having a hard time dealing with feelings I'm not really accustomed to.

But there's another level to the problem too. I think that I've been feeling lonely because I'm so aware of all the wonderful relationships I'm about to leave behind when I move and I'm self conscious because I feel terribly guilty for doing so. So the upside of the issue is that I was feeling bad because I know how lucky and happy I am. More importantly, now that my feelings aren't just some foggy gray haze, I can start to think through them. And once I can think through something, I know every thing's going to be just fine. So long as there is thinking to go with whatever it is that I'm feeling, I'm generally in pretty good shape. It's when I go on a long feeling binge that I'm in trouble.

But enough of that, I'm pretty sure that none of you are all that interested in how I managed to work through my bad day. In all fairness, I did try to think of something more substantial to write to you about, but I really haven't stumbled across any gems lately. My friend suggested that I write about how wonderful and sexy I think he is, but I'm not sure how much space that would take. And I think I'm probably much more interesting anyway. No? Really? Not even a little bit? Alright, I guess I'll call it a night then.

Until I have something super exciting...