But how do you live up to Noah?

I found this buried away. I don't know why I didn't publish it right away, but there seems to be no harm in doing so now. Maybe someone will have something interesting to say about it.

Dear all,

Tonight, I'm not even sure why I'm writing to you all. I've been in a funny sort of mood today and I feel like maybe I can write it out of me. I woke up this morning feeling 100% sure today was going to be something special. I just knew, and I mean knew the way you know the spring follows the winter, or the way you know that even when you can't see it, the sun is just behind the clouds..I knew today something important and magical was going to happen. It was a funny sort of feeling, just because I had no idea where it came from or what it was I was waiting for. In fact, when I find myself in these kinds of moods, I often wonder if I've finally gone and lost my mind completely. And yet, that's the feeling I had a few days before, on a whim, I agreed to take my little sister's friend's plane ticket and visit Nepal for the first time. In fact, it's a feeling I've come to know well. Sometimes, the "magic" ends up being something small, and in all fairness, I probably only noticed it because I was looking for it. But other times, this feeling means I'm changing. It means some idea, some bigger understanding is finally falling in to place and my life is about to change to reflect this new me. Unfortunately, it may also mean I've got a good week to week and a half of staring off into space and pondering things which probably never needed pondering.

But now that the day is finished, the feeling has changed. There were a million moments today that could have been magical, but I can't pick one out as being that "one" moment. And yet, now I find myself feeling as though that moment has indeed past, and now I just have to wait for the effects to finish playing out.

I'm trying to think back through the day at all those moments:
The moment I saw that one smile I've been addicted to since the first time I saw it. The only smile I've ever literally walked miles just to see. (Don't read too much in to that. It's only a smile after all)
The pride I felt when I remembered at lunch the way my little one acted the other day while we were out for a walk. (There was a big dog picking on a smaller one and she spent a good 30 minutes demanding that the big dog say sorry to the little one.)
The way I laughed at the little white lie I told while out shopping today.
The way I recovered from my self induced stress attack because one shopkeeper decided to be just a little generous.
The melting sensation I had at my massage today, and the hour of mediation that followed.
The way my heart soared and then sank at the sound of Nat King Cole's voice in the restaurant this evening.
The crash that followed talking with my brother and the amazement that some of my friends seem to have a sixth sense for when I need to hear from them.
The confusion I felt at hearing from those very friends, and not knowing where exactly they fit in to my life.
The clarity of my decision, followed immediately by a new ocean of doubt.
The words:

Even if you don't know what you want,
buy something, to be part of the exchanging flow.

Start a huge, foolish project,
like Noah.

It makes absolutely no difference
what people think of you.

Maybe it was realizing that I am in fact a lot like Mary Poppins.
Maybe it was none of these moments, or maybe it was some combination. All I know is that now I feel relaxed, and patient, and yet anxious to see what's coming.

But for now, I'm just going to bury myself deeper in Rumi and friends, and hope things sort themselves out just like they seem to be promising to.