Why am I posting? Because I can!

So I know it's been awhile since my last post, but my computer at home was acting up a bit and blogging at work was out of the question. And as you can see, I've been working on a blog make over. I'm happy to say that this blog is finally in it's final form. Yes, that's right this is exactly how I envisioned this blog looking. So any future changes will be minor. You have my word on that.

That's all I really had to say right now, but expect a post on my grad school search, and my ideas for a pet project in the very near future. And let me know what you think of the new look!!

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Last post on the conference, i promise!

Alright, I did want to write a little bit about Friday, but on Friday I was dead tired and I've been very busy since. Friday was a crazy day. The conference finished up alright. It wasn't too spectacular, but there was a speech that I found really interesting. It was by the CEO of the Grameen foundation. He was talking a little bit about his travel experience, but mostly he was talking about the success of his microfinance programs. And I realized something about the way I think about poverty, charity and profits that I hadn't noticed before.

The speaker was mildly disparaging another venture for not being profitable for the lender and my gut reaction was "Ugh, that's so capitalistic (read greedy)" and I realized that I have been working on an assumption that poverty should be eradicated with charity (ie giving without any benefit to oneself) and that I assumed that the enterprises he was involved with were less beneficial or less good intentioned because they make a profit. Some how, I've come to associate the idea of making profits with being inherently bad or selfish and I think I may have been missing something because of that assumption. I know I'm going to need to do more thinking on this before I'll really have got it sorted out, so I won't say anything more on this now, but expect another post on this soon.

Friday was also notable because I again found myself intensely homesick and hating D.C. I wasn't melancholy the I had been when I first arrived, instead I was annoyed and angry. While the feeling wasn't all that significant in the grand scheme of things, it was surprisingly crushing at the time. Fortunately, I tried to approach it as a learning opportunity and a test run for Nepal. At first, I thought getting out of the hotel would help, but the more I walked around the more annoyed I became. Then I spotted a 10,000 villages store like the one we have in A2 that helped a little bit, but not a ton. After that I stopped in to a little Lebanese restaurant where a kind waitress helped me to find something to eat. (It was delicious by the way; fried lentils ( Moujadara with cold mint cucumber soup) That helped immensely. It was wonderful to sit and listen to the people around me talk and to chat, even if only a little, with the waitress. After that, I was feeling much better. Then I headed back to the hotel and just allowed myself to relax with a warm shower and some TV. I know TV won't be available in Nepal, but hopefully, I'll be able to substitute some serious music listening and resting in when things get bad.

But the thing that really turned the day around, like most of the truly amazing things in my life was far beyond my control. As I was flipping through channels and considering all the anthropology of fashion that I could put in to the show "What not to wear" (I could write a book, easily), my phone rang. And to my surprise, the caller Id read "unknown caller". I answered and immediately recognized Didi's voice. She was calling me all the way from Nepal to check in and say hello. It was so so so amazing to talk with her. By the time I got off the phone with her I was literally jumping for joy. I told her all about the highlights of the conference and what my address in Kathmandu was going to be, and I got the scoop on everything that's been going on since I was in Nepal last. I just can't wait to see her again. And it really reminded me that even though I will get homesick in Nepal, I have real true family there and I will be fine, even if I end up crying on her couch a time or two. It was just wonderful.

But I think I've gone on long enough. There may be one more post from the trip about American fashion and my anthropological musings, but I'm not making any promises (or threats, I suppose) In any case, I'll write again soon, and until then, I'm off!
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Day 2 in DC

Well if any of you were curious, today went infinitely better than yesterday. I thought about Dada, Pahila and all the other Dhimals that I already feel such a great obligation to. I also tried to behave in a way that would have made Dhai proud, but I still wish I would have been a little quieter.

In any case, there are a few valuable lessons I've learned from this "first conference". The first lesson is obvious, I talk tooooo much. I know it's just nerves and I know it's all probably ok, but keeping quiet more would definitely be a positive thing. On the other hand, I wish I would have approached this more like an interview and prepared answers and background information in advance. I think I'll be putting together a conference "tool kit" with brief note card synopsizes of my personal mission statement, my project and some recent history/facts. I also need to red the news. I'm sorely ignorant of world politics and in the end I think it will be a disadvantage.

However, there were some great successes from this event as well. I was one of the only students to be solicited for citations, which was flattering. I felt well received by the boss (I hope that's true, but even if not, I do hope to exceed his expectations as he's already earned my respect), and perhaps most surprisingly, I felt largely well prepared. I feel that I used my short time in Nepal last year very well and am even more thankful to Dhai for the well rounded experience he provided. I am anxious to write him about the experience and to thank him again for all he has done for me.

So while I wouldn't call the conference a smashing success, I do expect my small mistakes will be considered inexperience and that largely, I can walk away from this with positive contacts. But enough on this. I need some rest to get me through the tax speech tomorrow.
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First Conference Day 1

Hello all! I'm writing from D.C. again tonight and I'm writing because I need a favor. It's the same favor I always need, just that you'll listen while I think, so I'm sure you'll oblige me. Today was a big busy day. I met a lot of people today, both those heading to Nepal and from the programs in other countries, and while I have a lot of thoughts on the people I met, I mostly want to think about how I approached the day so that tomorrow I can be even more productive.

Before meeting up with everyone, I was pretty nervous. I was mostly concerned that we would all be behaving competitively even if only mildly so and I was mostly right. We all showed off a bit and while I don't think anyone behaved badly, I do wish I had spoken less and listened a bit more. I approached this as though I needed to impress these people more than I really do. I should have been more focused on my mission statement and less focused on trying to make the right connections or the right impression. Especially, because the connections part usually comes pretty easily for me as long as I am patient. And I'm not saying today went poorly, overall I'm pretty pleased with the day, but I did feel a bit stiffer and more "I'm smart too" then I'd have liked to have been. I just always have a hard time finding the line between too friendly and too professional.

Oh well, hopefully tomorrow I'll do better. I'm going to focus less on not seeming shy and focus more on being willing to simply listen. I also want to be careful of the politics flying around like mad here. I know a time will come where I'll have to chose sides, but I want to weigh my options carefully and really end up where I belong. I don't want to be pushed to either side, regardless of the circumstances. I guess what I'm really saying is that I know I am a guest in Nepal and it feels more than a little presumptuous of me to suggest that I would know how to run things there. For me, it goes back to that quote from Love and Honor in the Himalayas (see the I love you Beta post for full citation) "I will not live here, I will not suffer here..." and so on these matters, I'd prefer to watch and learn. But maybe I'm naive to expect that privilege.

Well, once again it's late, but I'll keep you posted.
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Braver than a mouse maybe

If I tell you all a secret, you have to promise it will be just between us and we'll never say this out loud, not even in a whisper. Ok? Good. *Sigh* Here it goes.

I'm sitting on a plane right now, flying to someplace that isn't where you are and all I can think is "I hate leaving home". I haven't even been gone an hour and I miss everyone so much, it's all I can do to keep from crying. Fortunately, some little part of me knows I love arriving even more than I hate leaving, but right now that little part is only a shadow of a thought. I want to be home so badly. I want to be sitting with someone I love and watching them smile for any reason at all.

And it's funny ho little and silly this makes me feel. I know this is just as much me as the brave adventurer everyone mistakes me for, but I think you'd all think I'm only teasing if I said this to you. This morning for example, I was talking with a wonderful friend, someone I admire very much for their unfailing spirit, and she was telling me that she'd been ill and the doctors had done some particularly unpleasant tests. But when I called her brave, she scoffed and said "This from the Queen of Brave". It was the silliest thing I'd heard in awhile. I don't know that I've ever done a brave thing in my life, and I can count the days in my life that I've been entirely unafraid on one hand.

I know some people say that being brave means doing things you are afraid to do, and if that's all it is, then maybe I am brave, but I certainly don't feel it. Oh well, who's to say for sure. I'm just trying to get the most out of the time I have, and if that seems brave, I guess I'm ok with that.

But I'm getting sappy and this is getting us no where. I guess I just wanted to say that I love and miss you all, from the very moment we parted until we're together again.

Hoping to be home soon!

P.S. It really is beautiful up here. I wish you could see it.
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