Dear all,

I've got lots of exciting stories to send you from the field, so I'm going to break them up and post them over the next few days, including the story explaining why I've returned to Kathmandu so early. I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've posted, emailed, ect, but I have absolutely no internet access in the field, so I hope you'll all forgive me.

For me, the most exciting thing from the field was the amazing work I was able to get done. While I've been laboring away in Kathmandu as diligently as I can, I easily accomplished just as much work in one day in the field as I would have in a whole month in Kathmandu. Of course, that's largely because my timing was just right for this trip. I arrived shortly after a wedding which the whole village was still buzzing about and several women were just begin to weave new bonas (the traditional womens' garment of the Dhimals, the community that I work with) to replace those they'd given as gifts. So while I haven't gotten any hands on experience to date, I was able to observe all but one minor step of the weaving process and while there's still a lot of deeper digging to be done, the technical aspects of my project are coming along much more quickly than I had expected. Which means, I'm one happy anthropologist!!

While I spent a good deal of time in the field, most of the work was concentrated in a short two day period where I was able to sit with one woman for most of the process. To my delight, even though weaving is a long and labor intensive process that largely can be done by a single woman, it seems to provide a good excuse to gossip and many men and women came to visit us at the loom and chat. I can tell already these sessions at the loom are going to teach me about a lot more than just the technicalities of weaving, and I'm very excited to spend more time sitting with the women in several of the communities and waiting to see what else I can learn.

I'm going to post a picture or two of the weaving process in the slideshow, and I'll post again soon about some of the more fun and interesting things about my time in the field, but now it's getting late! I love and miss you all and I hope you all had wonderful holidays!



Read more on " "!

My Very Happy Birthday

Dec 16th

Dear All,

Right now, I’m writing to you from the airport in Kathmandu. Today, I’m heading back to the field where I will be staying for a few weeks. I’m so excited, but I’m also terribly nervous, as this is my first solo flight. That’s right, I’m going all the way to the field and staying there without my trusted companion Dai. Of course, everything has been arranged so that the trip will be as easy as possible and people are meeting me each step of the way. Still without Dai, it’s a totally different experience. And though I’m very nervous, the amazing day I had yesterday is carrying me through nicely. Which brings me to why I’m writing today. I wanted to thank you all for the many birthday wishes you sent my way and I wanted to tell you about the wonderful day I had.



Because I am so spoiled, my birthday really began the night before. But one of my few American friends here in Nepal invited me out as she’d noticed it was almost my birthday on Facebook (thank you Facebook). But I had no idea what a good friend I really had when I first accepted her invitation. She asked me to meet her at a Japanese restaurant near our homes and when I arrived she informed me that in addition to being a great restaurant, the place also has a wonderful traditional Japanese hot spring bath. So before I knew it, I found myself in a steaming hot bath in the middle of a bamboo garden, sipping green tea, and chatting with my friend. When we had cooked ourselves completely, we headed back inside for a warm bowl of Udon, next to a cozy fire. It was a wonderful birthday gift.

Then I went home and was fortunate enough to catch my mom, my dad, and my youngest brother at home through Skype. I always love to hear voices from home, even if it is only on the computer. After chatting for awhile, I headed off to bed, but to my surprise, bday wishes from the Nepali side started popping up on my phone just minutes after the midnight hour. By the time my alarm went off at 7 am, I already had a handful of sweet b-day texts.

Of course, birthday mornings aren’t really all that different from other mornings, so it still took me awhile to pull myself out of bed. But after awhile, I managed it and I headed over to Didi’s house. We had planned a big b-day bash with Dai’s side of the family, so we had a lot of work to do. Didi and Dai had decided we would have a strictly “American” menu, which ended up requiring a lot of shopping (The average Nepali menu just has no appreciation for cheese.)

Since I was feeling a little bummed out about officially being a year older, the motorcycle ride to the grocery store and the bakery seemed like just the thing. And to my delight, as we were driving around we passed a signboard, which made me laugh so hard I forgot all about being old. The signboard showed 5 or 6 handsome guys wearing surgical masks, and scrub shirts, but since the ad was for Jockey, all of the “doctors” pictured were in their underwear. I don’t know why it struck me as so funny but something about a poster full of half naked men in the middle of Kathmandu hit my funny bone just right.

After that shopping was a breeze, though getting it home was another story. I ended up carrying 20lbs of groceries in one hand and balancing the cake in the other as Dai navigated past the traffic, dogs, cats, cows, and children that occupy Kathmandu’s streets. I like to think I managed it with style too, but maybe that’s all in my head.

Once home, we all set to work cooking. We ended up with lasagna, salad (a rare treat because raw vegetables are often unsafe for foreigners to eat), mashed potatoes, and stuffing. I considered mentioning what an unusual “American” dinner this was, but I decided to run with it. After all, it was all yummy.

At about 6 o’clock, we finished cooking. A minute later, the power went out due to load shedding. For those of you who haven’t heard about load shedding, load shedding means that for 45 hours a week (this has since increased, we now have 18 hours without power a day) homes in Kathmandu lose power in order to conserve energy. There isn’t enough power to go around, so we all lose power, different parts of the country at different times, in order to share the burden. But the load shedding schedule is published in the newspaper, so we had planned on a candle-lit birthday. Dai had asked everyone to bring a flashlight with them and by the time all the guests had arrived, the apartment was pretty well lit.

All in all, we had 21 of us packed in to our little front room, and there was barely enough food, let alone cake (which was chocolate and just like home!) And to my surprise, though Dai had told all our guests this was a no gift event, there were quite a few really sweet gifts. Didi and Dai said it’s because everyone in our family loves me so much. I don’t know if that’s the case, but I do know I sure love all of them. It had been a bit tricky in the morning, being away from home and all, but sitting there in the dark with everyone, listening to my older brothers and my brother in law telling stories and watching the faces of my family as they laughed along made me so happy. By the time everyone gathered around to sing me happy birthday I was glowing.

But I’d be lying if I said the presents weren’t fun too! :) I got two that I really loved. The first was a small cell phone case, which I adore because my 9 year old niece brought it for me. The other, my favorite, was from my dear friend. He brought me the field notebook I’m writing in now. And while I hope to fill this notebook with more fieldnotes than blog posts, I was just so thrilled with it I had to write in it right away. And since I’m technically in the field, I better get to writing up the days notes on the next page. I love you all and whether you knew it or not, we were together on my special day yesterday!

Read more on "My Very Happy Birthday"!

Book Review: The Will To Improve

Dear all,

I’ve just finished a fantastic book, and in order to keep my writing skills sharp, I’ve decided to write a review for you all. For those of you who are not anthropologically inclined, parts of the review may seem very boring or technical, and for that I do apologize. Still, I encourage you to read it (or at least to skip to the end) because the book has left me with some big questions and as always, I’m dying to hear what your thoughts are. (What can I say? I’m addicted to the opinions of the many brilliant folk I’m fortunate enough to know. Can you really blame me?) So, on to the review!




The Will To Improve
Governmentality, Development , and the Practice of Politics
By Tania Murray Li
Published by Duke University Press, 2007

As the subtitle states, Ms. Murray Li’s work focuses on the immense realms of Governmentality, Development and Politics, taking as her specific focus several communities located in the Central Sulawesi Highlands in Indonesia. Her work begins with a discussion of the concept of Governmentality, which she grounds very firmly in Foucalt’s theories. While Murray Li devotes a great deal of technical discussion to this term, (a choice I will discuss in more detail below), I feel a basic concept would have sufficed for her discussion, and would have made this work more accessible to a broader audience. Very simply, following Foucalt, Murray Li holds that government is concerned with ensuring that the behavior of its subjects conforms to a “right” way of doing things which will lead to a very specific set of goals. The sum of these goals, is a utopian or “good” society in which the government needs only to provide minimal direction (as opposed to continuos direct intervention). She goes on to point out that this definition of government also applies to the way most development programs function, and thus labels development programs as functioning under an idea of Governmentality. (Murray Li, pg 5-6)

With these concepts in place, she goes on to discuss the history of development in her fieldsites from both official government bodies and development programs. As she describes it, Murray Li’s fieldsite is made up of several distinct communities, all of whom are currently plagued by problems of landlessness, poverty, and inter-community conflict. According to Murray Li, the Central Sulawesi Highlands have also been the sites of countless development and improvement projects for over 200 years. As the discussion of this history unfolds, several trends begin to emerge.

The first trend Murray Li elucidates is the way in which different programs overlap and intersect, producing unexpected and often, negative consequences for the very communities these programs were designed to help. The most striking example of this is related to the history of relocation of certain communities and the effect on livelihoods and perceptions of indigineity that resulted. Murray Li explains that in the earliest phases of development, the Dutch government resettled villagers from the highlands to the lower hills, in order to bring them closer to infrastructure benefits (like roads) and to enable them to take advantage of new agricultural techniques which were more economically beneficial, techniques like cacao farming. But resettlement proved difficult, for a host of reasons, ranging from insufficient land to epidemics caused by the villagers’ lack of immunity to the strains of diseases found in their new home. However, the government continued the practice of resettlement in the face of these challenges, right up until a new concern emerged, bio-conservation. As bio-conservation became a national agenda item, and international donors pressured for the creation of a protected national park, the government and development institutions began new programs. Eventually, a park was established, after which villagers were denied access to the land they had originally been relocated to, instructed not to practice the farming techniques that were previously encouraged (as they were deemed environmentally unfriendly), and often denied the status of indigenous people because they had not occupied an ancestral homeland from time immemorial (a major condition of indigineity in development definitions of the term). Yet despite the fact that many of the conditions the new development agenda sought to correct were in fact created by previous development initiatives, the new development agenda stated firmly and repeatedly, that it was the behavior and practices of the villagers which needed to be rectified. The resulting hardships for villagers, including an increase in landlessness and poverty, continue even today.

The second trend, which was of particular interest to me, was the way in which development discourses defined and reshaped the structure of communities. Repeatedly, development agendas took the stance that a “traditional” community structure existed within these villages, which would be conducive to the goals of development programs, but which needed to be guided or perfected by outside “experts”. Not only did this supposition rest on some very outdated ideas of “traditional villages”, many of which can be directly traced back to old ideas about the “Noble Savage”, but they also neglected the agency of the villagers. The programmers assumed that the villagers would use the new skills and ideas provided them in exactly the way the developmental institutions had intended them to, which rarely proved to be the case. This point was most clearly demonstrated in the section, “The Case of Katu”. (pg 145). This section discusses how a particular community facing eviction from their land in order to facilitate the creation of the State Park used their new understandings and abilities to successfully lobby against eviction. The Katu community used their knowledge of NGOs and development discourse to enlist the help of a non-park affiliated NGO to produce a variety of documents providing technical information on the sustainability of their farming techniques, documenting their history in that particular area, and even producing GPS maps detailing the land they were currently occupying. Rather than recognize the agency and legitimacy of the Katu community’s activities, even as they had conformed to the technical processes of development, the pro-park NGOs and governmental organizations assumed the Katu had been manipulated and encised by outside sources. In the end, the Katu were allowed to remain in the park on the grounds that they had sufficiently proved themselves to be indigenous, but other communities were not afforded similar treatment.

I found the work to be enormously insightful and the critiques of development to be particularly enlightening, however, I should acknowledge my own previous bias in this regard. As I find myself continually surrounded by the hundreds of development projects and agendas here in Nepal, I have struggled with an uneasiness with the entire process, and in many ways, I felt as though this work pointed concretely to ideas I’d only begun to flesh out. Murray Li dedicates a large portion of the book to discussing the most basic premise of development, what she terms the trustee - ward relationship. She describes this relationship in this way, “The will to empower others hinges upon positioning oneself as an expert with the power to diagnose and correct a deficit of power in someone else.” (pg 275) Personally, I find this position to be untenable. As Murray Li points out, life is messy and complicated, and even should one attain a level of expertise in a particular area, it would take a lifetime of study to be an expert in all of the relevant fields for even the most basic of development programs. From her research, Murray Li points repeatedly to specific real life examples of how development programs create numerous difficulties and conflicts at the same time they work to rectify others.

However, I do have two critiques of the work. Though I found the work to be a strong academic piece, I felt it lacked ethnographic richness. The communities Murray Li worked with were portrayed as largely homogeneous groups rather than a defined set of individuals, and her sparse use of quotes and individual narratives made the communities seem voiceless in the work overall. Murray Li also neglected to discuss her own positioning within the communities in which she worked, and it was unclear how her own biases and positioning affected the information she collected. Lastly, I was irked by the style of her writing, as she often began and ended chapters with dry lists of what was or would be discussed. Overall, I felt these defects made her work less accessible to a larger audience, which is a great loss considering the importance and validity of many of her critiques. I was also left feeling a bit concerned, because though she had stressed again and again the importance of recognizing agency in these communities, the lack of strong ethnographic writing made the work seem as though once again, these communities were being spoken for by an expert outsider.

But let’s move away from this academic discussion for a minute, so that I can share with you all some of the questions that this book left me with. As I mentioned above, here in Nepal, development seems to be everywhere. In fact, I’ve even done some low-level work on a development project since I’ve arrived, and I foresee requests to do more. But development programs leave me feeling awfully queasy. As the book points out, ideas about the need for development are stubborn in the face of failure. There is a general sense of “yes, the system is flawed, but we can’t just give up.” And it would be difficult to argue that these programs are anything but benevolent in their overall aims. But I’m still left wondering, how can the many sad and injustice circumstances in the world be improved, and who really ought to make the necessary changes? As an anthropologist, I’m firmly opposed to the idea that an individual from one community has the right, or even the necessary knowledge, to tell another community how they ought to live or behave. But as a human being, I feel that we all have the responsibility to help each other and make the world a better place. As of this moment, I’ve come up with no solid answers. For the time being, I simply watch uneasily as my friends and colleagues pursue their various agendas.

Another major challenge I’m facing right now, is how to make sense of differences and perceived “inequalities” without constantly relying on value statements. As I travel back and forth between villages and Kathmandu, and eventually, the US, the people I meet are eager to characterize certain settings as “advanced”, “forward”, or even “good”, while others are “backward”, “not nice”, ect. And while I try to shy away from these types of judgements in my own thinking, sometimes it’s very difficult. There have been times when I’ve tried to convince a villager that I find their community to be very nice, but at the very same time, I’m lamenting the loss of my laptop, or counting the days until my next hot shower. At one point in time, I was anxious to convince my friends in the villages that their way of life was just as good as life in the city, with all its amenities. But even that line of thinking has it’s downfall, as it effectively freezes them in their current way of life, and denies them access to commodities, comforts and ideas which may be highly desirable to them. So how can I fairly balance an appreciation for village life with an appreciation for their right to want something else, and at the same time, remain sensitive to the fact that many villagers have internalized the idea that “village life is bad and city life is good”, an idea ushered in by so many well meaning development workers?

Sigh, well at least my work continues to make my brain tickle, even if I can’t answer every question I ask. It’s just one of the many joys of anthropology I suppose! :)

Love you all!



Read more on "Book Review: The Will To Improve"!

Just in case..we're all fine!

Hi all,

I just wanted to quickly let you know that everything here is just fine. I'm not sure what you have heard about the situation in India yet, but as Nepal is facing it's own problems today I wanted to prevent any mix ups and assure you that the situation here in Nepal is not affecting me and that the problems in India, horrific as they are, are as far away for me as they are for you.

So, yes, Kathmandu is facing another day of strikes because two additional bodies have been discovered in the forest, but the strikes are mostly directed at the slow police response and so foreigners are being completely ignored. Additionally, because of my recent accident, I'm still resting up in Satdo Bato away from the chaos.

As for India, right now, it's just to sad and too startling for me to talk about. Being away from home, on a holiday and having to face news like this is too difficut to explain. My prayers are with all of the hostages in India, and all of their families.

I am more thankful than ever that my family and friends on both sides of the planet are safe and sound, but I'm so saddened that it comes in the face of such horrible news.

Love you all,

Read more on "Just in case..we're all fine!"!

Dilemas, Dilemas

Hello all,

Lately, in addition to working here in Kathmandu and preparing to finally return to the field, I've been contemplating my future and desperately trying to decide on that next step. And I know I've had discussions on this already with many of you, but I'm still finding myself to be torn to such a point that I've already spent 30 min this evening in serious conversation with the web's best version of the magic eight ball. (Interestingly enough, it's hosted by Purdue...maybe I'm not the only one who had grad school decision making dilemmas.)



In any case, in order to minimize my stress levels, at least a bit, I'm currently only considering two options. Of course, all of my fretting is based on the assumption that I will be admitted to both of these two schools and that enormous amounts of funding will be delivered to my door by grad school elfs (or is it fairies?) In any case, as I'm preparing to formally request recommendation letters in order to get the application show on the road, I'm using every spare moment to torment myself over what my future ought to hold. So I thought, instead of keeping all that delicious torment to myself, why not share it with all of you? That way you can contribute your thoughts, and suggestions, or at least sadly shake your head and sigh, "Oh silly silly girl". Either way, it's better than continuing to brew over it in solitude.

So here they are, thing 1 and thing 2:

Thing 1 (Aka Why go home just yet?) The School of Oriental and African Studies in London, a school of enormous merit and recognition in my field, offers a one year masters program in Anthropological methods. Despite the fact that a masters is not a pre-requisite for my career track and that I may need to take out a scary loan, the program is attractive because:

1. My resume up to this point is very vanilla. It basically reads: U of M blah blah U of M blah blah blah blah U of M blah blah in collaboration with U of M professor blah blah blah. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm almost 100% sold on getting my Phd from U of M.
   
2. Despite constant re-assurances from my professors and my own growing confidence from experiences in the field, my lack of formal training in methods is a concern for me. I've been told that having experience in the field is training enough, but I think methodology is too important to be learned entirely experimentally and I've yet to be fully convinced of the strength of U of M's methods program.
   
3. Did I mention that SOAS is an remarkably impressive school. Yeah? Well, I'm just reminding you then.
   
4. It's a year in London. I won't even bother to illucidate this point.

But then there's thing 2 (the path of least resistance). This plan involves me immediately entering into a PhD program at U of M and spending the next 3-4 years back in A2. (Followed immediatly by more fieldwork here in Nepal) As I said, at this point, I can't see myself doing a PhD program anywhere other than at U of M, so the question is merely one of timing.

Admittedly, I originally had some reservations about the program because it's already very clear which proffessor would be over seeing my work, and while I adore that proffessor, our work styles are very different. But just this evening, I've finished reading his latest publication and saying that I was impressed would be a gross understatement. The piece was phenomenal and more importantly for me, reflected an attitude about anthropology and a writing style that I identified with immediately. I've read works by this proffessor before, and I was always disappointed that the way he spoke about our work and the way he wrote about it didn't seem to match up, but in this piece...wow. I work from the belief that as anthropologist we have 2 major responsibilities; the first is to stress the human aspect of our social science, and the second is to continually use (and openly acknowledge that use) of our fieldwork as a means of coming to know ourselves and in any discussion with my professor it was clear that we agreed on these points. But it was not until this most recent publication, that these views became explicit in his writing as well. And now, despite my complaints about disorganization and over commitement to numerous projects, I can't see myself working long term with anyone else.

Ok, so without sounding too silly, I'm thinking of this as a romantic relationship. I know U of M is the one for me, and if U of M will have me, I'd be foolish to consider a long term relationship with anyone else. The problem is I'm just not sure if I'm ready for the commitement. A big part of me still wants to play the field a little, and one last fling with London is just so tempting...

Sigh. what to do? or as Nepalis would say "Ke Garne?"

Oh and just because I think it's funny:
I've recently come to realize that the Nepali equivalent of "How's it going?" or "What's up?" is (in nepali of course) "Have you eaten?". I'm not sure why, but no matter how many times I recieve a text message from any one of my friends that says "Hi Sarah, Have you eaten?" it makes me laugh. Fortunately, I'm able to supress my laughter in conversation. Anyway, just a tidbit... And yes, yes, I've eaten! Read more on "Dilemas, Dilemas"!

Fieldsite Pics

Hi all,

Just wanted to draw attention to the fact that I've changed one of the slideshow boxes to show pictures from my first trip to the field. Sadly, my camera's photos are still MIA, but Dai was generous enough to give me these from his camera so that I could give you guys a better sense of what I was talking about in the last post. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

All my love..and a few of my hugs too!
Read more on "Fieldsite Pics"!

My Fieldsite!!

As promised, though long over due, here’s my post about my fieldsite. You can thank (or blame as you see fit) an amazing cup of tea and Ella Fitzgerald for finally motivating me to write this. I discovered a bottle of vanilla in the kitchen this afternoon and the whole world seems different now! I'm not sure where on earth it came from, because all the packaging is in english, but I hardly care because now my tea is extra delicious!

As some of you have heard, my camera has tragically eaten all of my pictures from my first field visit. My super awesome little brother is going to try and recover them, but in the meantime, you’ll just have to rely on my picturesque writing.

During my first trip to the field, I visited several different villages, just so that I could get a sense of the landscape and because it hadn’t be determined exactly where I’ll be staying yet. In fact, my future home away from home away from home is still not set in stone, but things are looking pretty solid with one particular family. But only time will tell where I eventually end up.

In any case, I was excited to find that each village we stopped in had a unique flavor all of it's own. My fieldsite is located in the district of Jhapa, largely within the city of Damak. Jhapa is pretty far south and at one point on the bus ride home I could look out the window and into India. The landscape is absolutely beautiful, but it's also very foreign seeming to a Northern girl like me. You can generally still see the hills in the distance, but gone are the green decidious trees. Instead, palm trees sprout up here and there, and vast fields cut by irrigation canals dominate the view. There arn't nearly as many cows as there are here in Kathmandu, but there are more than enough buffalo and oxen to make up for them.



When I'm in the field, it feels as though the heat will never relent, but by evening, it's generally beautiful. Unfortunately, the heat is very conducive to creepy crawlies, and in addition to some of the largest insects I've ever seen in my life, snakes are fairly common here. In fact, just after we'd left one of the villages a small child had to be rushed to the treatment clinic for a snake bite. (Which prompted me to buy a new pair of shoes despite my preference for sandals) But before you worry too much, the little one made a full recovery and at least for snake bites the treatment clinic is excellently prepared.

In terms of the vista, my favorite part of the field is the houses. There are two styles of houses that predominate in the area. The one I find to be most practical and comfortable is generally built of wood with either a straw or tin roof. The house has two stories, and the second story has a large porch where you can sit and write, or take meals in the evening. The other house style is generally made of clay, again with a thatched roof, but only with one story. Most homes generally have additional buildings, and in the villages where I'm working, many of the homes have a seperate building for the kitchen. The kitchen holds a lot of religious significance for the Dhimal community, but I've only just begun to explore that area.

Of course, all of this means nothing to me when compared with the people I'm so fortunate enough to be working with. I'd been careful when choosing a group to work with because I wanted to find a community that would find my work to be useful and meaningful, but that still didn't prepare me for the warm reception I've recieved at every turn. Everyone I met was excited and curious about me, and everyone seemed eager to help me however they could. However, looking back on it now, I can't fight a sense of sadness at the way that some of them reacted to me. They were all so kind and warm, but at the same time, there was often an un-necessary sense of embarrasment that hurt me very deeply. The discourse of development and modernity is well known here, and people are well aware that their homes lack the comforts of the big city. I tried to explain that I found value in the way they were living as well, but many seem to have internalized the critiques of the "modern" world, and the warnings of countless NGO workers so thoroughly that it was impossible for them to consider my compliments as anything other than mere politeness.

But I suppose even this is a hidden blessing, because it's really challenged me to look at the way I value life styles, and in particular the human comforts I've grown so accostumed to. Sometimes, as I'm assuring someone that I don't mind using their outhouse or sharing a bed with a stranger, I had to stop and ask myself if I really didn't mind. And I've found that while I may occasionally be peeved at the lack of this or that amenity, after just a day or two, I seem to adjust and life goes on pretty much as it always has for me. I think that rather than saying that life is better or worse in the city or in the village, I really feel that it's just different.

Of course, that's not to say that right now I'm not more comfortable in Kathmandu. After all, my friends are here, and I don't really have a home in the village yet. But I think that once I've really found my place, and mastered some of the basic skills I currently lack (like bathing at the water tap), I'll be just as happy there as I am here.

Alright, I know I probably could have written a ton more, and I'll try to fill in the gaps as time goes on, but I think this is still a pretty good introduction. That said, if you have questions, please please ask..I never know exactly what you guys will find most interesting!

But it's quickly getting late here and I've got to work tomorrow evening, so I really ought to be off. All my love!!!

Read more on "My Fieldsite!!"!

Free Gift Coupons!?! Does it get better?

November 12

Dear all,

I just wanted to take a second to share a few funny moments from today. To begin with, our darling Jyopsi has learned to pretend, which is very exciting and has opened up a whole new range of games for us. When I returned from visiting the cyber café today, she had placed every one of her stuffed animals on top of their own individual pillows all across the living room floor. As I opened the door, she looked up at me, and informed me that the animals were napping. It was sooo cute. Of course, she immediately began to scold me for being to loud, but even when she’s being bossy (so basically when she’s awake) she’s still the cutest thing in the world.



The other funny moment happened while Didi and I were out shopping. I think the humor was lost on Didi so I felt that I needed to relay the incident to an American audience. Today, Didi and I had several errands to run, and so we headed out to Jawalkhel, where the main street is lined with shops of every kind. I needed a warm jacket as the fabled cold that I had heard about for so long has finally appeared. Of course, it’s still 80 degrees by noon here, but at night, I’m sleeping with a blanket and a sleeping bag. My nepali friends find the cold to be absolutely torturous, but being the good michigander that I am, I still find it to be rather pleasant. That said, I’ve been shopping for my scootie lately and I think that at least on the road a warm jacket will come in handy.

We looked at a few of the smaller shops first, but as I’m the nepali equivalent of Gulliver in the land of the Lalliputs here, everything was far too small. So we went to a larger department store. To my delight, I was able to find a jacket that I think is super cool, super warm and fits great. Now here’s the part that tickled me. Since the jacket was a little expensive (though still probably less than $25 USD), I handed the woman at the counter my nepali ATM card. She politely asked if I had cash, saying that she could put the purchase on credit card, but that I would get more “free gift coupons” if I paid in cash. Being the silly American that I am, I assumed that the coupons would really be for a discount on future purchases, but as it turns out, the 20 or so coupons I was handed were really the equivalent of Chucky Cheese tickets!! How cool is that!?! I was instructed to go downstairs where I found a long glass counter in front of floor to ceiling shelves. On the shelves were an assortment of items, all with small signs in front indicating the number of coupons required for the item. I was given the choice between a set of colored pencils, a pencil case, and a set of 3 small Tupperware containers. Since I’m obviously so responsible, the choice was clear and I passed up on the hours of coloring fun for the Tupperware containers. Though, in all fairness, I must admit that my first thought was that they were the perfect size for storing candy, but we’ll pretend I was going to fill them with nuts or lentils or something equally healthy.

Anyway, I was just so excited to walk away with a cool jacket and three new teeny tiny tupperware containers that I just had to write home about it. And now I should get back to work! Love you all!

Read more on "Free Gift Coupons!?! Does it get better?"!

In to the field..and through the hills

This post was written for you all from the field. Sorry it took so long to post it here.

Dear all,

It’s been a long two days, but I’m finally here in Dharan. Dharan, is not my fieldsite, but it’s only about a 2 hour ride by motorbike from here. Dharan is also Dai’s childhood home. Right now, I’m writing from his mother’s front porch. This porch is one of my favorite places in all of Nepal and I feel so incredibly at home in Dharan it’s incredible. I think it’s probably because last year when I was ill I was so well cared for here that I couldn’t help but feel safe and happy here now that I’m visiting while healthy. That said I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that I’m pretty sure Dharan is actually the garden of Eden. There are tall palm trees and flowers of every kind and color. The houses are all beautifully painted in warm oranges and cool greens and blues lending to the paradise effect this place has on me. But I think for me, it’s the butterflies that really make the place. I was telling a friend in a letter the other day that if you were to take a butterfly with snow white wings and paint it anyway you liked you’d find that it was already here in Nepal. And there’s nowhere that seems more true than here in Aamaa’s garden. But spoiled as it may sound, after our long trip to get here this slice of heaven feels well deserved.



So let me tell you a little about the trip out here. We headed out from Dai’s home at 3:30pm yesterday and traveled by taxi to the bus park in Kalanki. Dai’s younger brothers (though both are still Dai (older brother in nepali) to me) had arranged 2 tickets on a night bus for us. The bus was supposed to arrive at 4pm and arrived right on Nepali time at 4:45pm. As we climbed on the bus, I was pleased to find that my brothers had remembered how tall their little American sister was and they had secured me the seat with the most foot room, just behind the driver. Dai and I were also surprised to find that one of Dai’s cousin was also on the same bus (this proved to be a lifesaver later) (Oh, you should see the butterfly that just flew past, it was as big as my hand).

Anyway, the bus left shortly after arriving and for the first 45 min we headed up to the hills without a problem. But 5 min past the first police check point, we hit a jam caused by a broken down truck. We fought with similar jams for the next few hours and when we stopped for our first break I had the distinct feeling we hadn’t gotten very far at all. And it was at the 1st break that I realized how fortunate I was that Dai’s cousin had come with us. Had she not been with us there would have been several bathrooms breaks I would have maneuvered through far less gracefully. Of course, that’s not to imply I didn’t still look like a bungling American but at least I was a bungling American who managed to get the job done.

After our 2nd break (around 10pm) I finally managed to fall asleep. We stopped again several times, but I slept through most of them. At one stop we had to wait for a police escort to take us through a bandit ridden slice of forest and I wanted to stay awake to see the police but I simply couldn’t manage. When we arrived at our destination at 4:45am I still had difficulty rousing myself. When I did finally climb off the bus, I was astounded to find that our destination wasn’t a place at all. Or rather it wasn’t a place in that there was nothing there; no buildings, no houses, just a few buses. I had assumed we would be going to some town or village or something, but it turns out that since the Koshi flood, most of the traveler’s stops are just places that happened to be dry. From there, we had hoped to get a jeep or a microbus, but after waiting for a long time we all piled into the back of a rust red flat bed being pulled by a tiny tractor. So there I was, watching the sunrise over a flooded landscape from the back of a tractor with 15-17 other people and luggage to match. For a few minutes, I was the romantic traveler marveling at this once in a lifetime moment I’d been given, appreciating the pinks peaking out from behind the mountains in the distance and watching the water buffaloes wake up and wander about…but then, I had to pee…..really badly and I realized that my legs hurt and that the people in the truck with me were complaining about how uncomfortable we all were. I never cease to be entertained by these sudden perception shifts I have. Of course, I tried not to let reality rob me completely of my romantic musings, but it was also an important reminder. As travelers, it’s easy for us to romanticize hardships and discomfort when they are short-lived experiences, but we also need to remember that for others this is not a “once”, but a lifetime experience.

After about 30-45 min in the trailer we arrived at another place that was not a place, this time next to a very swollen river. There were several other buses, jeeps, ect and there was an assortment of over crowded boats waiting in the water. Our boat reminded me of the boats you see in cartoons about Egypt. It was long (15ft by 6 ft maybe) and though it was dug out like a canoe, large woven bamboo mats had been placed across the entire top and that’s where all 45 or so of us sat. Here's a picture that's pretty close, though imagine a ton more people. The boat swayed a bit before the diesel engine puffed to life. Dai’s cousin was scared and I have to admit I spent a moment or two planning my escape route should the boat tip, but the water didn’t seem to b e very fast and I haven’t seen any crocodiles so I wasn’t too afraid. (Yeah, ok, I laughed when I wrote that too. How did my life come to a point in which I judge my safety by whether I saw crocodiles?) The oarsman on the other hand looked terrified the entire 20 min crossing and though he was making excellent money, I couldn’t help but wonder how long his poor heart could take this kind of work.

Once across, we again caught a tractor, which took us to another, though significantly smaller, swollen river about 15 min away. This time we crossed by bridge, which was really a football field worth of bamboo mats strung together. Had I any sense, I might have been terrified, but fortunately that’s not often a problem for me here. Instead I was busy being annoyed that we had to pay 10 rupees (less than a quarter) to cross the bridge and trying to figure out which of the men that were collecting money I could mentally accuse of being the bridge troll. (After seeing more of the Koshi aftermath, I’ve rethought this part of the trip. I’d now happily pay significantly more to help all the people who have lost so much)

Once across, we took a bicycle towing a wooden platform (the village version of a rickshaw) up to the nearest bus park. I enjoyed the ride though I felt terrible for the poor man pulling all four of us and our luggage and for only 20 rupees. Dai reminded me I was contributing to the local economy, but I still felt a bit inhuman and I tried to keep myself from worrying over the man’s calorie intake.

At the bus stop, we had tea in a local shop. From the tea shop, Dai and I took another bus to his father’s farm. We visited the farm for a short time, and then we caught another bus to a place called Itahari, from there we caught our last bus of the journey to Dharan. It was afternoon when we reached Dharan, and I was sent straight to bed to nap. After my nap, I found myself here writing to you. I know it was a long post and I’m sorry if you were bored, but it was also a very long journey. Can you believe that I’m going to do it all over again in just a week’s time? Hooray for adventures!

I’m working on a post about my fieldsite now, but it seems as though all of my pictures may have been deleted. I’m going to fight to recover them for a bit, and so I’m going to wait and try to post and put the pics up at the same time. Wish me luck!

All my love!

Read more on "In to the field..and through the hills"!

Day Trip To Tirsuli

So this post is very late in the making. I had promised to write about my trip to Tirsuli, but almost 2 weeks have passed and I hadn’t written a word. I’ll do my best to capture the excitement of the trip, but I’m just going to admit now that you’ll probably get a better sense from looking at the pictures. Because I haven’t asked permission from all my friends, the pictures will only be up in the slideshow for a little while, so enjoy them while you can. (If you ever miss any of my slideshow pics tho, feel free to ask me and I’m happy to send you a link. I’m just super cautious about the internet privacy of my friends and family. See U of M, your ethics training does pay off.)

So the other day, I was out enjoying Kathmandu with a near and dear girl friend of mine when we ran into some of her friends. They told us that they were planning a day trip for the next day and that we should come along. I was hesitant at first, thinking that I had things to do the next day to help Didi and work I should being doing before I left for my fieldsite, but eventually I agreed to join them. I’m so glad I did.



The next morning, one of my new friends picked me up from my class on his motorcycle, which was super exciting in and of itself. After all, I don’t mind taking the long bus ride home, but how could I pass up a motorcycle ride!?! We met up with the rest of the group at a shop near my house. (I’ve since learned that several of my new friends own shops very near to my house, which is great because now I can stop and chat on my way home and as you all know chatting with friends just makes my day)

There were eight of us in the group, distributed on 4 motorcycles. We were going to take a day trip to another town just outside of the valley, called Tirsuli. To get there, we spent about four hours riding through the mountains on the bikes. It was so beautiful and so much fun. Everyone in the group is very sweet and fun loving, and they took advantage of every opportunity to stop and play. If you’ve ever seen one of those hindi movies with the group of college friends, you’ll already know a lot about my new friends. (I like to think of the adorable group of friends in the movie Jaane Tu Ya Na Jaane, which also happens to be my favorite Hindi movie.) On the route, we stopped to take pictures in front of the hills, we played in the waterfalls (even though the mountain water really is as cold as ice), and we tried to take pictures of each other as we rode along.

We also managed to do a lot of sightseeing in a short amount of time. Along the road, I accidentally scared my bike’s driver because as we climbed one hill I saw my first snow capped mountain and I was so excited and taken by the sight that I couldn’t help but let out a little squeal. Shortly after my mountain glimpse and some profuse apologies to my friend, we arrived in Tirsuli. We made a quick visit to the town itself, but we spent most of our time playing in the local dam. Then we went to the river and played some more. The boys were especially rambunctious in the river and ended up in a huge splashing match. Fortunately, they were gentlemen enough to leave us ladies dry.

On the way back from Tirsuli, we visited one of the palaces of the first king to unite Nepal into one country. We had arrived there later than we should have, so most of the buildings were closed, but we still toured the grounds and had more fun with the cameras. I think the pictures of us all sitting in a row at the palace are my favorites from the trip. Then we started racing home to try and minimize the time we’d spend in the hills after dark. We ended up spending quite a bit of time riding home in the dark and while I knew that Didi would never approve, I couldn’t have been happier. For years, motorcycle riding has held an almost meditative power for me, and adding the dark mountains, the cool air and a night sky like I’d never seen was intoxicating. Even two weeks later, thinking about that ride makes me smile from deep inside. I spent hours sitting on the back of that bike just taking it all in.

I wish that I could really make you appreciate the scene from that night, but nothing I could say would ever really capture it. I remember looking up and seeing some of the brightest stars I’d ever seen flickering in a field of darkness, only to realize that they were in fact the lights from homes high up in the mountains. But they were so high up how could I think they were anything but stars? And then I’d turn my head, and tilt it only slightly and find myself staring into a wall of stars more plentiful then anything else I’d ever seen. I’d never appreciated the night sky like I did then, when the only light to compete with them was the occasionally mountain “star”. And of course, all this while cruising along a crisp night on a motorcycle with dear friends. While I’d be lying if I said that life here was always easy and wonderful, I still enjoy days like these like they were the last bite of a perfect chocolate chip cookie. And my gratitude for my experiences somehow makes them all the sweeter.

Still, even on that perfect day, you should all know that I thought of you often. I’m finding that even in the happiest moments, the moments don’t mean as much until I can share them with the people I’m missing back home. Even as we rode, I thought about what I would write to you, and what special bits I would share for this person or that one. So mushy as it sounds, you are all really with me wherever I go. As always, I’m sending big hugs and happy days to all of you.

Best,
Sarah

Read more on "Day Trip To Tirsuli"!

Heading out!!

Hey all,

First of all, let me apologize. I owe you all a blog post on the exciting day trip I took with some friends recently and my recent visit to the Dhaka Weaves factory, but I simply haven't gotten it done yet. I'm sorry and I'll try to write on it soon.

But I did want to quickly post and let you all know that I'm heading out of the valley for at least the next week or so. That means I'll be pretty out of touch for a bit, but I'm sure the stories I bring back will be well worth it.

So until next week!

All my love!!!
Sarah
Read more on "Heading out!!"!

And this is my job

Hi all,

I'm really only writing tonight to brag a little bit, so please try not to get too annoyed with me. Anyway, yesterday and today were both pretty great days. Yesterday, some relatives of my family were kind enough to allow me to attend their daughter's engagement party. It was really interesting to see how engagements happen in Nepal, but it was also a ton of fun to celebrate with the happy family. There are a few pictures up in one of the slideshow boxes, if you're interested.

This morning, I also got to go on a mini adventure. I walked all the way from Jorpati to Kopan Monastery and back, a 9 mile walk one way. Even more impressive, Kopan is at the top of what we would call a mountain. My dhimal teacher tried to convince me it was only a small hill, but once I get the pictures up you'll see why I refused to believe him. Anyway, it was well worth the trek because the monastery was gorgeous.


My guide for the trip was my dhimal teacher's high school aged daughter and it was so much fun talking with her as we went along. She is such a sweetheart and like any teenage girl, she loves to talk. I'm pretty sure I know everything about her school, and her friends, and her friends' friends now. The best part is that's exactly the kind of think I get paid to do. I feel so lucky to not only have the opportunity to spend time here in Nepal, but also to be able to be doing the kind of work I'm doing. I can't think of any better job in the world. (Please feel free to remind me of this when I'm writing and complaining constantly!)Of course, I would never write up notes on anything that my young friend told me today, because she's underage and I would consider it to be unethical, but even so, it helps to get perspective on some of the things that her elders have been telling me and really gave me an opportunity to think about other questions I might ask other Dhimal about their childhoods and their schooling.

It was also a great chance for me to work on the ways in which I relate to people during "interviews". It was fun, (personally) and useful (professionally) to see which of my stories she related to, and what things I could commiserate with her about. Now, I just have to find a way to get more mature women to be as friendly and open with me as their children are! Anyway, looking back on it, it was an interesting interaction for a lot of reasons. At one point, I remember smiling to myself because I was thinking how funny it was that I was feeling like my best friend here in Nepal is only 13 years old, and yet at another point, I was analyzing each question I asked and carefully monitoring the responses. (But before any of you worry, I've finally managed to make two good friends here, so I'm not actually bff with a freshman, and the friendlessness that some of you heard me complain about is officially passed.)

Anyway, I could say more but it appears as though my legs just realized how much work they've done today, and they are starting to protest, so I should do my homework and crawl (probably literally) in to bed! Goodnight all. As always, I'm sending my love!!
Read more on "And this is my job"!

Happy Belated Dashain

Ok all, as promised, here’s my post about the big festival we just had here in Nepal. But before I can tell you about the festival, I’m going to give you a short lesson in Nepali culture, so pay attention! ;)

According to most censuses and articles about Nepal, Nepal is a primarily Hindu kingdom and most people do things pretty much the same way, but in reality this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Actually, Nepal is a remarkably diverse country made of many many different groups of people. NEFIN (Nepal Federation of Indigenous Nationalities) recognizes somewhere between 57and 61 separate indigenous groups. In addition, among the “Hindu” population, there are numerous different castes, each with their own independent traditions and customs. I might argue they are independent cultures, but that’s a long discussion and I’ll save it for my anthropology buddies. Still, when you add in the Tibetans and other “foreigners” there are easily a hundred separate cultures here. However, the cultures have been in contact for so long that there is a lot of borrowing, re-purposing and imitating. I like to think of Nepal as a patchwork quilt of cultures that has been washed one too many times. You can still see the individual patches, but the colors are bleeding all over the place and the whole blanket has a distinctive “Nepali” hue to it. So why do you need to know this before I can start talking about the festival? You need to know because everyone I know celebrates Dashain differently, if at all, and so I’m going to be describing one of many many ways of celebrating Dashain. Even more interestingly, at least to the anthropologist in me, were the many discussions I had with different people about “traditional” celebrations of Dashain and what that meant to different people and different communities. My family is from the Rai community (an indigenous group) and I was told that the Rai community traditionally did not celebrate Dashain because it’s a Hindu holiday. That said, everyone in all of the Rai families I know celebrated Dashain and many of them were telling me how the celebrations we had were different from their “traditional” Dashain celebrations. (see, it is interesting!) but I suspect you are ready to hear about the party, so I’ll move on.



As you may or may not know, Nepal has a separate calendar then we do back in the states. Today, at least as far as I can tell, is the 26th day of Ashwin. Check out this calendar if you’re curious. It looks remarkably like the calendar hanging on my wall.  Anyway, Dashain officially began on the 20th (Oct 6th). Many people travel back to their villages or some central family home in order to celebrate, and so I headed to my Didi’s house for the holidays. In my family, the first few days of Dashain are more about getting ready than celebrating and so we spent Monday and Tuesday shopping and cleaning. On Wed, we went to Dai’s older sister’s (I call her older sister as well) house for lunch. The first few pictures are from the lunch at her house. Lunch was a lot of fun, especially because Didi and I didn’t have to cook at all. I also spent a lot of time talking with Dai’s older sister’s husband about American politics. I wish I could say that I was very brilliant and convincing, but as the whole conversation was in Nepali, I can only guess at what he thought I was trying to say. In any case, he was pleased and now teases me by calling me “Ms. President” (in Nepali). He’s a funny guy. Lunch was also great, mainly made up of 6 veggie dishes and 2 meat dishes (because it was a special occasion) and I was especially pleased because we had ice cream for dessert.

After lunch, we headed back home and started getting ready for our guests. Thursday is the most important day of Dashain for my family because it’s the tika day. Tika is the Nepali word for the red or white rice blessings that people wear on their foreheads during worship and holidays. That meant that on Wednesday night we had a lot of work to do because we were going to have a house-full on tika day. The nice thing is that Nepalis are really great about mobilizing labor for big events, and we had 3 helpers stay the night on Wednesday and two more show up early the next morning. The helpers are usually youngest siblings (of any age) or teenage cousins. Even though I had been a little concerned about all the people staying with us it ended up making all the work really festive feeling and I enjoyed the hustle and bustle leading up to Thursday’s excitement.

On Thursday morning, Dai said he got up around 4 am to start cooking. I was much lazier and slept late (almost to 7) and crawled out of bed feeling enormously guilty because everyone else was already hard at work. Of course there was plenty still to be done because cooking Nepali food is really time consuming and we needed a lot of food. We also need to make jamara bouquets. I’ve got some pics of the jamara in the slideshow. Jamara is wheat and maize grown specifically as part of the tika blessing. It can easily be purchased in the market, but Didi grew her own this year, and we took special care to keep it in the dark at all times to make sure it grew yellow instead of green. So I spent part of the morning cutting the jamara and arranging it in small bouquets. Once all the work was done, I put on my sari (with significant contribution from several of the girls) and got ready for the guests to arrive.

In all, we had about 23-24 people visit on Thursday to receive tika from Dai. Dai is the most senior male in his family living in Kathmandu right now, so all of his family members who were not in their village had to come to him to receive the blessing. Apparently, there is “supposed to be” a sanskrit blessing given when the tika is applied to the forehead, but Dai made up his own for each person. After tika is applied to the forehead, each person was given a jamara bouquet and an envelope with a little bit of money in it. And after everyone had had their tika, it was finally time to eat. And boy, did we eat. There was soo much food. I took a picture of all the dishes we had sitting in the sink after the evening, and while the picture looks like a lot the truth is that each of those dishes had probably already been washed at least twice during the day.

While Wednesday and Thursday already felt like a lot of holiday for me, we spent Friday and Saturday visiting other relatives house, this time on Didi’s side. In all we went to another 4 homes, and Didi and Dai had guests over twice more. At each house the agenda was pretty much the same. We’d wait for everyone to arrive, the most senior (or otherwise most appropriate person) would give everyone tika, and then we’d eat. Overall it was quite a party and I had a ton of fun and I learned a lot. (oh no, here it comes, more anthropology) I was especially interested in the way family relationships played such a huge part in all the festivities, and it was neat to see the way that people negotiated my position until they found something they were all comfortable with. Of course, it was also great just to be included!

Can you believe this is the short version!?! Anyway, I’m back at my apartment now and I’m gearing up to leave for my field-site in the end of Oct. I’ll try and post again before I go. Sending all my love…Sarah

Read more on "Happy Belated Dashain"!

My home life

Dear all,

First off, let me apologize for the multiple posts (I’ll be posting again tomorrow with new pics once the internet connection stops hating me). I have a lot I want to tell you all about, because so many different things have been going on but they wouldn’t make sense in one big post. So, let’s just start with a quick snapshot of life with Didi and Dai, my nepali older siblings, with whom I’ve been spending most of my time. I usually stay four or five days with them, and then a night or two at my own apartment, before I’m back at their house. I don’t think I could be half as happy here in Nepal if they hadn’t given me a home. The apartment in Ranibari is nice, but without a family in it, it’s just a space.

Anyway, let’s get to the little story I wanted to tell you. Normally, I wouldn’t do this, but this excerpt from my diary sums it up perfectly. But this is from my diary, so it’s just between us, alright? 

Oct 10th
“Well, I don’t normally start with the end of the day first, but I’m so happy in this moment, I just need to dwell for a second. Right now, I’m listening to “No End in Sight” and the only thing keeping me from singing at the top of my lungs is the beautiful baby sleeping in the other room. Although, as I’ve quickly learned, in a nepali house quiet and sleep have nothing to do with each other, and the baby is sleeping peacefully through the show the Voice of India and the sound of her mommy and papa talking over it. Right now, Didi is giggling and I can just barely hear it over my music, but still it makes me smile. Just two minutes ago, I reluctantly untangled myself from my comfy seat on the couch next to her to come in here and write. Anyway, let’s start back at the beginning and we’ll get back to here and now.

This morning, I woke up to a room full of sunshine and Jyopsi not so gently demanding a bottle from Dai. But Dai was as dutiful a father as always, and pacified her without getting Didi or I up. So I laid in bed, drifting back and forth between the sunny room and my dream world. After a bit, I rolled over to face the door, and a moment later, a pint sized boss was standing next to the bed.

“Auntie!” She practically commanded.
In my best I’m still sleeping voice, I answered “Hajur”. (the nepali way of saying “yes, I’m listening”)
“Auntie!” She tried again.
And just a smidgen louder, though with a concentrated effort to sound even more pathetic. “Hajur”
“Sutyo? (asleep?)” Even questions are royal commandments from our little queen.
“Sutyo.” I answered, barely daring to hope she’d let me be. But to my suprise, she said “la (ok)”, head wobbled (a common nepali gesture that contains entire converstations), and waddled off to bother Dai. Of course, it was only ten or 15 min before she was beside my bed again demanding I got up. By that time, I was more than happy to oblige and happily crawled out of bed and went off in search of some chores.”



Of course, not every morning starts just so adorably. Often we wake at at quarter to five to the sound of Jyopsi’s crying and I jump out of bed to try and be out the door by 5:30. My Dhimali language lessons begin at 7 am each morning, and it’s a long trek out to Jorpati, so I’m always rushing early in the morning. But I usually nap when I get back home after class and then we all settle in to our daily routines. Lately, Didi has needed some extra help with housework, so I’ve been doing a lot of tea making and dish washing, but the work makes me happy and actually makes me feel even more at home at their place. But that’s enough about the general routine. Read the next post about Dashain. It’s more exciting, I promise!

Love you all so much I can hardly stand it!

Read more on "My home life"!

Night Notes

Dear all,

It's almost 7 o'clock at night here and I'm standing on my balcony, writing to you. It's fully dark already and I can barely see this page, but the night is so beautiful I can't bring myself to turn on the porch light and cut the moment with any sudden brightness.

Thin stretches of clouds hide the stars here and there and the moon is no where in sight. Somehow, I don't miss it, the stars are enough. The air is refreshingly cool, but it still doesn't have the crisp taste of Michigan autumn air. Instead the air tastes of fried breads, not greasy or smokey really, but doughy and slightly earthy.

Lights from windows in other homes, as well as my own, light my writing. In a neighboring house, just a tall palm tree, I can see 3 elementary aged children playing. One of them has a wicker chair on his head and will doubtlessly be in trouble soon.

Even at night, Kathmandu is noisy. If the night sounds of Kathmandu were a symphony, the constant buzz of crickets would be the base on which it was built. The roar of motorcycles on the main road are like guitar wriffs tearing into the cricket buzz and the occasional dog bark and shout are like trumpet calls, one call always answered by another. Though it's getting late, you can still hear the occasional tinkle of puja bells, doubtlessly accompany smoke and prayers up to hindu dieties. My favorite sound though is the pressure cookers and frying oils releasing wheezes of hot gas in to the air and hinting at the lives being lived in the little squares of light coming from the houses all around me. Occasionally, someone on foot or motorbike comes up the path, but despite the constant murmur the night is very still.

The stillness is nice. It's been a tough day and I'm in need of some unwinding. In fact, I think today is the perfect day for rotis. There's something about making and rolling out dough that I find to be remarkably relaxing and affirming. I think maybe it's the feminine aspect of it. It requires a delicacy and gentleness that I cherish, and the sound of my new glass bangles punctuate the rolling rthyme with a whimiscal musical tinkle which I just adore. Yeah, I think that's the plan. Sorry to get mushy 0n you all, but it was too pretty of a night to keep to myself. Now I'm off to cook!

Love! Read more on "Night Notes"!

How's this for a warm welcome!

Well all, it's official. I'm an anthropologist. I've started doing some preliminary work and am as happy as a clam. I participated in my first focus group last week. Dai and I met with a group of students of varying grade levels to discuss what being Dhimal means to them. I was also able to ask a few questions regarding the tradition al garments I'm mostly focusing on. Throughout the meeting, I was amazed at the openess of the students and their excitement about my project. Everyone is eager to help and seems genuinely pleased that an American scholar would take such an interest in their culture. I left the meeting with a feeling that my work was off to a great start, but equally important, that the people I will be working with are overall sweet, kind and dynamic.

However, it wasn't until yesterday that I realized just how excited the Dhimal community is about my work. I had stayed home ill yesterday, and mid-nap my phone rang. When I answered it Dai excitedly told me that he had something that was sure to cure me. Of course, I was intrigued and pulled myself out of bed to meet him.

As I climbed on the back of Dai's motorcycle, he told me the interesting news. One of the main leaders of the Dhimal community had published an article announcing my arrival and my work in the national paper!! I was stunned. There was even a picture! (Don't worry, I'll scan it and post it here as soon as I can)

Interestingly, the article, though published in a Nepali paper, is written in Dhimali (except for the headline which remains in Nepali). This means that as of right now, I have no idea what the article says. I hope it's good! :P

The publication of the article feels like a fitting parallel to my work thus far. On the one hand, I am enormously pleased to be making the contacts that I am and the excitement of the community is clearly evident to everyone. But at the very same time, I feel that my work is still in a very tentative stage where things are clearly happening, but they are both beyond my understanding and my control.

What's more, I find new challenges to my own sense of identity and my own goals with each passing day. I'm sorry to say that i have no idea who will be coming home to you at the end of this. Maybe these posts will help map the eventual trajectory, but I think we'll all just have to wait and see.

In other nonwork related news. Roomie and I have a new house guest. In addition to Brutus, the giant spider that keeps our house bug free, I noticed this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krait slithering through our garden the other day. Our friend, who I've yet to name, is easily 3ft long and much faster than I would have expected. Of course, I'm only guessing that he is in fact a black Krait, but the pictures I was able to find online of this species seems to be the best match. But don't worry, I promise Roomie and I haven't stepped foot in the garden since, so I'm quite sure we're still perfectly safe.

Anyway that's all for now. I'll write again soon. With love!!!

Read more on "How's this for a warm welcome!"!

CNSP Photos

Just a quick note. I've put up some photos from the Cornell Nepal Study Program, where I occasionally attend lectures. Right now, it's probably my absolute favorite place to be because it's just so beautiful. It's also just outside the city in a place called Kirtipur, so it's very calm and quiet. Were I to live in Nepal more long term, I'd live in Kirtipur.

But don't worry, I'm coming home. I promise. I miss you all too much to stay away forever and ever.

All my love!!


Read more on "CNSP Photos"!

Snapshots of Kathmandu

Hi all!

First off, a few new pics are up so check out the slideshows!

So it’s been just over a week and I’d say I’m pretty well settled in now. I can confidently get to just about anywhere in town, even though sometimes that still means taking a taxi rather than wandering around, and I can safely say I’ve overcome the first bout of “adjustment” illness. More importantly, I feel wonderfully at home here. In fact, just yesterday I’d stopped a taxi driver and asked him (in nepali) how much it would cost to get me home. After we’d agreed on a price (haggling is a must in Kathmandu), I jumped in the cab and to my delight he asked me (again in Nepali) “How many years have you been living in Nepal?” When I told him I’d only been here 7 days he was amazed. So I’d say I’m starting to fit in just fine.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to write and tell you all about. In some senses, Nepal is everything I remembered it to be, so I’m not terribly surprised or overwhelmed by anything, and few things seem strange enough to write home about. With that in mind, I thought I’d just describe a few Kathmandu scenes to give you all a feel for what life’s like here and what I’m up to lately.


The bus stop: Buses are probably the most common motorized transportation for people here in Kathmandu. They are relatively cheap (13 rupees for a one way ride) and you can catch one from all over town. That said, all the buses eminent from Ratna park. The streets on either side of Ratna park are crowded with buses, rushing in and out as quickly as they can. Each bus is really a small white van with an intended capacity of maybe 12 people, though they usually actually contain twice that amount. I like to visit Ratna park because it’s the only place I’ve found where people of all walks of Nepali life seem to gather. (I’m only just beginning to fully grasp the immense diversity that is Nepal)

The other day, I was standing by the side of the road waiting to catch a bus from Ratna park back to my home. As I stood, I looked around at the other passengers waiting for their buses. Of the hundred or so that were waiting, a few stood out. There was an older woman in a sari with a small boy in western clothing. A few young men who appeared to be students and one man who I’d guess was a laborer of some kind. He was wearing a simple blue top and dark pants, both of which were a bit dirty. He stood out to me because he had a very hurried expression on his face. At first, I couldn’t understand what he could be in such a hurry for, but then I took another look. It was then that I noticed that clutched against his chest, he was holding a large red rooster. He held both of the rooster feet in one hand, and the rooster seemed quite content. The rooster would tilt his head from side to side occasionally, but other than that he was completely still. He reminded me very much of those American purse dogs that act as though they’ve spent their whole lives being carried around in. While the rooster seemed pretty calm, I decided I would catch another bus a bit up the road, just in case he wasn’t as good at riding buses as he was at waiting for them.

A taxi ride through Kanti Path: Kanti Path is one of the main arteries of Kathmandu, and one of the few streets to actually have a name. Most areas are designated first by neighborhood and then by familiar landmarks. I often find myself on Kanti Path on my way to one place or another. Both sides of Kanti path are lined with stores of every kind. There are boutiques, and bakeries, eye glass shops, stationary shops, even a few bars. Basically, it’s a bustling place. As I was riding in a taxi down Kanti Path the other day, I realized that there was a new vehicle in the traffic lane, a full grown elephant. While elephants are still common in the wild in Nepal, it’s very unusual to see one here in the city. As we got closer, I realized that this elephant was covered in advertisements….. for mayonaise. I’m not exactly sure why an elephant is a good way to advertise mayonaise, but apparently it made good sense to someone. In any case, it sure caught my attention.

A family dinner: Since I’ve arrived, Meetini’s family, and particularly her older sister, have been very kind to me and have had me over for dinners a couple of times. In fact, they always insist that I’m the youngest sister now and that I should come for dinner every night. I visited them for dinner again today, but to my relief, they finally allowed me to help cook. So I spent a good deal of the evening sitting on the floor in the kitchen, surrounded by the five young boys (ages 18 mo –12) that run the house, rolling out potato balls with meetini’s sisters. The two middle boys are very fond of me, so we often had to shoo them away as they wanted to help or try to entice me to come out to the front room to play with their new dinosaur toys. Yes, little boys are exactly the same no matter where you are. While the boys make everything a little crazier, it is so nice to be around them. Sitting there, helping to cook for the family and yelling at the boys to play nicely, really made me feel as though I belonged.

The Escalator:
At our apartment, we have a woman who comes to clean, do laundry and cook dinner for us twice a week. We call her “Didi” which means older sister in Nepali. Suprisingly, this is a common practice and raises some questions about my kinship theories (see “I love you , beta if you’re curious) Didi is an interesting person to me because she’s very different from most of the Nepalis I’ve ever known. For one thing, she comes from a different group than the many highly educated nepalis I generally meet. Additionally, talking with Didi is always an adventure because she doesn’t know any English and Nepali is her second language. She was born and raised in Nepal, but she is from a minority ethnic group which only uses Nepali in public places and she seems to really struggle in Nepali. I’m sure an outsider would find our conversations to be just hilarious.

In the hopes of getting to know Didi better and of maybe learning a little more about grocery shopping here, I decided to go to the store for vegetables with Didi when she came last Monday. So we went to the big department/grocery in bhat bateni to try and get everything done at once. The store was quite an adventure because didi had never seen an escalator before. She was surprised and excited, putting a hand on my arm to stop me as I rushed towards it and smilingly broadly. I understood immediately despite the language barrier and told her (in n) that it was ok. I stepped on first and put my arm behind her back to make her feel safe and at the end I warned her early to step off (afraid her sari may catch) and exhaggerated my step which she mimicked exactly. It was endearing, but somewhat suprising. It’s suprising because this is not new technology for nepal, and it’s not as though she lives in a village far off from the city. But I assume that she’s done most of her shopping at smaller stalls until now. In any case, I’m hoping to learn more about her and her life as time goes on, but the language barriers are pretty tricky.

In other news, I went on a tour of several orphanages in town on Friday. While some of the homes are well run and well stocked, a few others were in pretty desperate need. At all the homes the kids seemed happy and well looked after, but it seems that health and hygiene are major challenges. It’s yet to be determined exactly how I’ll be able to help out due to my work schedule and my frequent travelling, but I’ve begged the volunteer coordinator to find something for me, even if it’s small. There was one home I’d really like to work in because they seemed to need the most help and because there was one little girl that needed a lot more attention than she is currently getting. She has Down syndrome and seems to be suffering from some kind of depression. Right now, they tell me that she never leaves her bed and that she neither speaks nor eats. I don’t know that I’d be able to make any difference, but there was just something about her that made me want to sit with her. Hopefully, I’ll be allowed to make visits, but it may be more detrimental than helpful if I can’t make regular visits, so I’ll have to wait and see what the coordinator determines. I’ll keep you posted on how that all works out.

But it’s very very late, almost 2 in fact and I’m generally up by 5:30-6 here, so I better head off to bed. I miss you all and I’m sending as much love as I can fit in each one of these letters!!

Read more on "Snapshots of Kathmandu"!

Apartment Pictures!

Hi all!

Thanks to everyone who wrote, commented and checked in here. It's so wonderful to hear from all of you!

So I don't have much more exciting to say from yesterday's post, but after a couple hours worth of testing, internet disconnections, and weird computer hiccups, I did manage to upload the photos of my new apartment. They are in the slideshow on the side bar. I'll be taking pictures of the neighborhood in the next couple days, and I'll get those up as soon as Roomie is kind enough to let me use her office again (awesome wifi here) I'm sure you'll all find the neighborhood to be more exciting, but I'm so excited about the apartment. It's amazingly beautiful.



Ok, a couple of words about the pictures. There's one picture of our floor, just because I thought it was pretty. There are two pictures of our two bathrooms, which are located right next to each other. The one bathroom is western and the other is a fancy nepali style bathroom. Luckily we seem to have water pretty much all the time, so we're even able to flush both toilets. It's super cool. There's also a picture of a huge spider...just because he was so big. I put the tealight next to him so you could see how big he really is. Fortunately, I'm already getting used to the bugs and other than a spider or two the apartment is pretty bug free.

Alright, I'll write again soon when I have more pics and stories. Love you all!
Read more on "Apartment Pictures!"!

In Kathmandu!!

Hi all,

Guess what!?! I'm finally here. I'm writing from an internet cafe right around the corner from my apartment in Lazimpat. (Yes, you can probably find that on google maps if you try really hard!)

So far everything is just amazing. I haven't been up to too much beyond a few visits to the office, dinner with my dearest Dhai and Didi, a little bit of shopping and a ton of wandering. And by wandering, I mean, being completely lost. But I think wandering sounds so much more poetic. I've finally learned how to get to my house from the main street, which is really a huge accomplishment considering how far set off from the road it is. I can also get to the internet cafe, and the big fancy grocery store...which is a lot like a gas station store back home, but here it's pretty snazzy. But anywhere else is still bound to be an adventure. The people...err, women (I'm still avoiding talking with men at all costs until I'm more sure of the rules) are very sweet and helpful. Earlier today an older woman took me by the arm, pulled me on to a microbus, somehow managed to secure me a seat despite the fact the bus (think 8 seater van) already had between 10 & 12 people on it, and then made sure I got off right in front of the shopping center.

In other exciting news, my nepali is way better than I thought it was. I'd still describe it as pretty terrible, but it's getting me everywhere I need to be and the answers to most of the questions I have. I was suprised that no one seemed terribly shocked when I started to speak nepali, but I suppose that's because of the area I'm living in. It's not a tourist area, but I've seen a couple of other "pale folk" around and one UN vehicle. Still, my light hair is attracting attention. Some of the younger boys have tried to say hello, but I'm too shy to acknowledge them. And one of the school girls stopped me on the street to say "You are looking so cute.(in english)" I was, of course, tickled pink.

Alright, one more bit of excitement and then I'm off to take a nap before dinner. I was able to get my Nepali cell phone today. It cost approx. 80 USD which means it will be my biggest expense for awhile, but it was one of the cheaper ones in the store. (side note: they are playing Seether in the Internet cafe as I type this :P ) Anyway, about the cell phone. It looks like one of the more basic phones back at home, but I was pleasantly suprised to find that it came with a microphone/headset and fm radio. I'm really excited about the radio because I've always found song lyrics to be a great way to learn a language. It's also really comforting to have a phone..and mine's already full of numbers I can call if I need anything at all.

I have to say that it's so comforting to have such a great support system already in place here. It makes me feel confident that everything is going to be just wonderful.

Alright, I'll write again when I can...something about monkeys I think.. Love you all!


Read more on "In Kathmandu!!"!

In Bangkok

Hi all,

Just wanted to leave you all a quick note to let you know that I've made it as far as Bangkok and am now enjoying everything their super awesome airport has to offer. I landed here last night after a couple uneventful, though really long flights. Luckily, they were showing Kung Fu Panda on the flight from Detroit to Tokyo, which turned out to be an incredibly awesome movie. The flight to Bangkok was even better because it was only 6 hours and I was sound asleep before take off. I only woke up a couple of times and even slept straight through dinner.

When I landed here in Bangkok, I went straight to the day rooms and got another 4 hours of sleep. So I'm feeling really well rested and ready for the last stretch.

The airport here is also really nice, and though internet is a little expensive, I don't think it's any worse than anywhere else I've used it and it's a million times faster. Hooray for high speed. But it looks like it's about time for me to go check in. I'll write again from Nepal just as soon as I can.


Read more on "In Bangkok"!

Tibetan Earthquake

Well, according to the Indian News papers, a rather large earthquake hit Tibet this morning. The area is reportedly pretty sparsely populated and there were no reports of victims. But the quake was strong enough (6.4) to shake homes throughout Nepal and even as far south as New Delhi. However, it seems as though damage was minimal, and I'm unconcerned for my friends and family in Nepal. In fact, I'm more concerned that American and British papers won't report this until next week and my family in the states will worry for me. So hopefully this little blurb will help to minimize that. But I'll let you know what I hear about the quake as soon as I can. So until, I know more...
Read more on "Tibetan Earthquake"!

2 weeks to take off!

It's been awhile since I last posted, so I just wanted to put something fresh up here so that my blog doesn't start to get dusty. As of this moment, I'm officially 2 weeks away from flight day (in fact I'd would be about half way to Tokyo right now) and I'm so excited. Unfortunately, I'm also busier than any human being ought to be. Between trying to finish packing, studying for the GRE (barely), a long list of lasts (from dancing to cigars), and dentist appointments, every minute is just over flowing. The good news is that, at least from my perspective, the most vital things have been taken care of already and everything else will either fall in to place or it will wait. So my stress level is still pretty manageable.

That said, the goodbyes are getting tougher and tougher.
It feels like there's at least one goodbye every day and while there is so much to look forward to in my home away from home, I'd be silly not to be aware of everything that I'm leaving behind. Ironically, I'm really grateful for the opportunity to really appreciate everything (and more importantly, everyone) that I have in my life without having to lose them in a more permanent sense. It's become kind of surreal looking at everything around me and wondering when I would really be back here. I know that I've promised everyone that I would be back in the states next summer and I have every intention of fulfilling that promise, but part of me also knows this is only the beginning of what may be a very long period of wandering and exploring. And I find that thought to be both wonderful and terrifying. Sometimes I can't help but wondering if I'm biting off more than I chew by fussing over future trips before I've begun this one, but I've learned from experience that big plans take a long time to develop, so I need to start cultivating those seeds now. Still it does make every goodbye even more daunting. Hopefully, some of you will be kind enough to write and I'm sure that will make a world of difference.

If you didn't catch that: WRITE ME! I'd love to hear from all of you, no matter what you have to say or how often or seldom you write. Even if you don't write me until next June, drop me a note and let me know what you're up to! And with that in mind, I better go check my email!
Read more on "2 weeks to take off!"!

Why am I posting? Because I can!

So I know it's been awhile since my last post, but my computer at home was acting up a bit and blogging at work was out of the question. And as you can see, I've been working on a blog make over. I'm happy to say that this blog is finally in it's final form. Yes, that's right this is exactly how I envisioned this blog looking. So any future changes will be minor. You have my word on that.

That's all I really had to say right now, but expect a post on my grad school search, and my ideas for a pet project in the very near future. And let me know what you think of the new look!!

Read more on "Why am I posting? Because I can!"!

Last post on the conference, i promise!

Alright, I did want to write a little bit about Friday, but on Friday I was dead tired and I've been very busy since. Friday was a crazy day. The conference finished up alright. It wasn't too spectacular, but there was a speech that I found really interesting. It was by the CEO of the Grameen foundation. He was talking a little bit about his travel experience, but mostly he was talking about the success of his microfinance programs. And I realized something about the way I think about poverty, charity and profits that I hadn't noticed before.

The speaker was mildly disparaging another venture for not being profitable for the lender and my gut reaction was "Ugh, that's so capitalistic (read greedy)" and I realized that I have been working on an assumption that poverty should be eradicated with charity (ie giving without any benefit to oneself) and that I assumed that the enterprises he was involved with were less beneficial or less good intentioned because they make a profit. Some how, I've come to associate the idea of making profits with being inherently bad or selfish and I think I may have been missing something because of that assumption. I know I'm going to need to do more thinking on this before I'll really have got it sorted out, so I won't say anything more on this now, but expect another post on this soon.

Friday was also notable because I again found myself intensely homesick and hating D.C. I wasn't melancholy the I had been when I first arrived, instead I was annoyed and angry. While the feeling wasn't all that significant in the grand scheme of things, it was surprisingly crushing at the time. Fortunately, I tried to approach it as a learning opportunity and a test run for Nepal. At first, I thought getting out of the hotel would help, but the more I walked around the more annoyed I became. Then I spotted a 10,000 villages store like the one we have in A2 that helped a little bit, but not a ton. After that I stopped in to a little Lebanese restaurant where a kind waitress helped me to find something to eat. (It was delicious by the way; fried lentils ( Moujadara with cold mint cucumber soup) That helped immensely. It was wonderful to sit and listen to the people around me talk and to chat, even if only a little, with the waitress. After that, I was feeling much better. Then I headed back to the hotel and just allowed myself to relax with a warm shower and some TV. I know TV won't be available in Nepal, but hopefully, I'll be able to substitute some serious music listening and resting in when things get bad.

But the thing that really turned the day around, like most of the truly amazing things in my life was far beyond my control. As I was flipping through channels and considering all the anthropology of fashion that I could put in to the show "What not to wear" (I could write a book, easily), my phone rang. And to my surprise, the caller Id read "unknown caller". I answered and immediately recognized Didi's voice. She was calling me all the way from Nepal to check in and say hello. It was so so so amazing to talk with her. By the time I got off the phone with her I was literally jumping for joy. I told her all about the highlights of the conference and what my address in Kathmandu was going to be, and I got the scoop on everything that's been going on since I was in Nepal last. I just can't wait to see her again. And it really reminded me that even though I will get homesick in Nepal, I have real true family there and I will be fine, even if I end up crying on her couch a time or two. It was just wonderful.

But I think I've gone on long enough. There may be one more post from the trip about American fashion and my anthropological musings, but I'm not making any promises (or threats, I suppose) In any case, I'll write again soon, and until then, I'm off!
Read more on "Last post on the conference, i promise!"!

Day 2 in DC

Well if any of you were curious, today went infinitely better than yesterday. I thought about Dada, Pahila and all the other Dhimals that I already feel such a great obligation to. I also tried to behave in a way that would have made Dhai proud, but I still wish I would have been a little quieter.

In any case, there are a few valuable lessons I've learned from this "first conference". The first lesson is obvious, I talk tooooo much. I know it's just nerves and I know it's all probably ok, but keeping quiet more would definitely be a positive thing. On the other hand, I wish I would have approached this more like an interview and prepared answers and background information in advance. I think I'll be putting together a conference "tool kit" with brief note card synopsizes of my personal mission statement, my project and some recent history/facts. I also need to red the news. I'm sorely ignorant of world politics and in the end I think it will be a disadvantage.

However, there were some great successes from this event as well. I was one of the only students to be solicited for citations, which was flattering. I felt well received by the boss (I hope that's true, but even if not, I do hope to exceed his expectations as he's already earned my respect), and perhaps most surprisingly, I felt largely well prepared. I feel that I used my short time in Nepal last year very well and am even more thankful to Dhai for the well rounded experience he provided. I am anxious to write him about the experience and to thank him again for all he has done for me.

So while I wouldn't call the conference a smashing success, I do expect my small mistakes will be considered inexperience and that largely, I can walk away from this with positive contacts. But enough on this. I need some rest to get me through the tax speech tomorrow.
Read more on "Day 2 in DC"!

First Conference Day 1

Hello all! I'm writing from D.C. again tonight and I'm writing because I need a favor. It's the same favor I always need, just that you'll listen while I think, so I'm sure you'll oblige me. Today was a big busy day. I met a lot of people today, both those heading to Nepal and from the programs in other countries, and while I have a lot of thoughts on the people I met, I mostly want to think about how I approached the day so that tomorrow I can be even more productive.

Before meeting up with everyone, I was pretty nervous. I was mostly concerned that we would all be behaving competitively even if only mildly so and I was mostly right. We all showed off a bit and while I don't think anyone behaved badly, I do wish I had spoken less and listened a bit more. I approached this as though I needed to impress these people more than I really do. I should have been more focused on my mission statement and less focused on trying to make the right connections or the right impression. Especially, because the connections part usually comes pretty easily for me as long as I am patient. And I'm not saying today went poorly, overall I'm pretty pleased with the day, but I did feel a bit stiffer and more "I'm smart too" then I'd have liked to have been. I just always have a hard time finding the line between too friendly and too professional.

Oh well, hopefully tomorrow I'll do better. I'm going to focus less on not seeming shy and focus more on being willing to simply listen. I also want to be careful of the politics flying around like mad here. I know a time will come where I'll have to chose sides, but I want to weigh my options carefully and really end up where I belong. I don't want to be pushed to either side, regardless of the circumstances. I guess what I'm really saying is that I know I am a guest in Nepal and it feels more than a little presumptuous of me to suggest that I would know how to run things there. For me, it goes back to that quote from Love and Honor in the Himalayas (see the I love you Beta post for full citation) "I will not live here, I will not suffer here..." and so on these matters, I'd prefer to watch and learn. But maybe I'm naive to expect that privilege.

Well, once again it's late, but I'll keep you posted.
Read more on "First Conference Day 1"!

Braver than a mouse maybe

If I tell you all a secret, you have to promise it will be just between us and we'll never say this out loud, not even in a whisper. Ok? Good. *Sigh* Here it goes.

I'm sitting on a plane right now, flying to someplace that isn't where you are and all I can think is "I hate leaving home". I haven't even been gone an hour and I miss everyone so much, it's all I can do to keep from crying. Fortunately, some little part of me knows I love arriving even more than I hate leaving, but right now that little part is only a shadow of a thought. I want to be home so badly. I want to be sitting with someone I love and watching them smile for any reason at all.

And it's funny ho little and silly this makes me feel. I know this is just as much me as the brave adventurer everyone mistakes me for, but I think you'd all think I'm only teasing if I said this to you. This morning for example, I was talking with a wonderful friend, someone I admire very much for their unfailing spirit, and she was telling me that she'd been ill and the doctors had done some particularly unpleasant tests. But when I called her brave, she scoffed and said "This from the Queen of Brave". It was the silliest thing I'd heard in awhile. I don't know that I've ever done a brave thing in my life, and I can count the days in my life that I've been entirely unafraid on one hand.

I know some people say that being brave means doing things you are afraid to do, and if that's all it is, then maybe I am brave, but I certainly don't feel it. Oh well, who's to say for sure. I'm just trying to get the most out of the time I have, and if that seems brave, I guess I'm ok with that.

But I'm getting sappy and this is getting us no where. I guess I just wanted to say that I love and miss you all, from the very moment we parted until we're together again.

Hoping to be home soon!

P.S. It really is beautiful up here. I wish you could see it.
Read more on "Braver than a mouse maybe"!