Bummer! :(

So I was hesitant to write tonight, because I'm not a huge fan of whining, but rather than go to sleep grumpy I thought I'd at least make an attempt at writing it out. So I'm sitting here in front of the computer pouting, because I'm sitting here in front of the computer. It's 11:30 on a Saturday night, and I want to be out dancing, instead of sitting at home. I realize that it's very silly of me to being feeling as sorry for myself as I am. After all, I spent all afternoon with a lot of my amazing friends, laughing, eating, drinking a bit, and generally being jovial. And yesterday, I did nothing but dance. I went from work to bahini's house and meetini was teaching me (or at least trying very hard to) how to dance to Hindi music. After that I went straight to swing dancing and danced for 2 hours. And then after that, I went to the salsa club in town and danced for another 3 hours. It was pretty much a perfect day. But I had still hoped that I would be out dancing again tonight and I'm disappointed that our usual Saturday night has been canceled due to work and car troubles.

I have two dear friends, that I will call the Chicas, that I adore and that I see twice a week on dancing nights. And part of the reason I adore dancing as much as I do is because of them. We have so much fun together and going out with them has had such a positive effect on my life. Before I started dancing with the Chicas, my single status was a constant worry of mine. I missed my ex, I hated being along, and I worried about never finding anyone special. But dancing with the Chicas has been such a liberating experience. Some of my friends worry that I am going out to meet guys and they disapprovingly warn me that the men I'll meet at the clubs are generally going to be womanizers or partiers. But for me the joy of dancing, esp with my Chicas, is that it makes me relish my single status. I can go to a club where there are plenty of guys who want to get to know me (read into that what you will) and my emotional response is genuinely, "oh, I'm sorry, but this is far more fun without you." It's like I've taken an activity that many see as focused on bringing the opposite sexes together, and learned to enjoy it all on my own. I could go on and on about how dancing with the Chicas has taught me to enjoy my single life and really helped me not only to stop worrying about dating, but to even turn down dates with some really cool guys. I never thought that I would be the kind of person to relish being single, but lately I really do. I had always thought that people who said that kind of thing were either lying or really saying that they enjoyed being promiscuous, but lately, I'm coming to understand. Granted, I still have days, no weeks, where I hate being single more than anything, but I'm learning to put those in perspective and dancing is really the key to that for me.

But I'll stop there. I had no intention of writing on and on like this. I just wanted to cheer myself up and I think reflecting on just how happy dancing makes me did just the trick. Still, I think I'll turn some music on and have a little dance party of my own, just for good measure. :) Read more on "Bummer! :("!

Just a moment

Well, I only want to write for a moment because I should be off to bed, but I just had to say this out loud somehow. Today was perfect. The sun was warm and bright. The people I love were all around me, and were happy, healthy, and safe. And my life is over flowing with the potential for amazing things. And it's all that much better, because I know how good it is. I don't care what anyone else says, gratitude is the purest form of joy. This is the third "best week ever" in the last two months, and I'm so excited for tomorrow, just because it's another day and another chance for something amazing to happen. Alright, that's all for now. Thanks for listening. Read more on "Just a moment"!

My Mission Statement (aka why I'm an anthropologist)

So I was thinking today about why I do what I do, and to some extent doubting my ability to do it. Lately, I've found myself watching the many different researchers that surround me in my daily life and, at least in my own eyes, finding myself to be vastly different from most of them. I watch as some of them succumb to seemingly random bouts of genius, while others ferociously gobble up every ounce of knowledge that comes within their reach. I exhibit neither of these behaviors. In fact, despite my sincerest desires to do so, I find that I do very little of the actual work I set out to do. So this led me to the frightening idea, that perhaps, I am not really cut out for this line of work. After all, I spend 90% of my time socializing on one level or another, and the other 10% of my time planning more socializing. So I had to ask myself, "Why am I doing this?"

I tried to answer the question the way I would if one of the Dhimali women I'll be working with in Nepal had asked me. And here's the answer I got. I do this because I am selfish. I want my life to be filled with beautiful things and lived in the most beautiful way it can be. But to do that, I have to find all those beautiful things. I don't feel that I can assume that just because I've done something one way all my life, it's the only way to do things or even the best way to do them. So I set out to learn what I'm doing right and what I could be doing better. And so far it's worked. Before I visited Nepal, I prayed in one way, and it was a good way and I still value it. But now I see there are so many amazing ways to worship god, life, love, whatever you want to call it and I can't imagine how I ever thought I could appreciate or understand a greater power from a single point of view. And before I became part of a Nepali family, I never understood the power that words like sister, brother, mother, and father could mean. Now those simple terms are almost magical to me, because I understand they can create, out of nothing more than sound and breathe, a lifetime of comfort, friendship, and love.

And while my reason for doing this is about as selfish as motives can get, I do hope that some good can come of what I do. I hope that in the end, the people I work with will look at what I've said about them and see the beauty that they've taken for granted in their lives, as they've taught me to see things differently in my own. And I hope that those who later read my work can discover, as I have, that human beings, in all our diversity, are just as beautiful as sunrises over mountain streams, butterflies on newly opened buds, or the golden patterns woven in to sari silk by a skilled hand.

Now that I can look back at my mission statement, I'm certain that I was meant to be nothing other than what I am. I may not be the most studious of anthropologists, and unsurprisingly, I do spend an enormous amount of time being with people that I love until it hurts, but I hope that in the end that's what will make my work stand out. I have every intention of falling in love in Nepal with the people that I meet and the many ways they fill their lives, and mine, with wonderful, amazing things, and I think that's something that the academic community is just going to have to make room for. Read more on "My Mission Statement (aka why I'm an anthropologist)"!