Oh Tihar, how I do love thee!

Dear all,

(Sorry, this one’s gotten old. I wrote awhile ago, but I’ve only just had the time to post it!)

Whew! What a day! Today was Bai Tika, my absolute favorite Nepali holiday. And as expected, it was an absolute blast. I went to the home of one of my many older brothers, though not the one I usually write about, early this morning, and I stayed there for most of the day. The morning felt terribly long though, because sisters are supposed to fast until they’ve given their brothers the tika blessing. The entire family didn’t gather until sometime around one, so until then the girls only had a few cups of tea and an apple and banana each. I was surprised by how hungry I was, especially considering how often we fast here, and how little I normally eat anyway, but I was starving all the same. Luckily, there was a lot of family I hadn’t seen in a long time, so the fun of meeting up with everyone kept me distracted.
When everyone had finally gathered, we all went up to the roof, where we gave our blessings to our brothers, and they, in turn, blessed each of us.



The blessing consists of multiple parts. First, all of the sisters walk around our brothers three times in a large circle, holding onto each other’s clothes as we go. The oldest sister goes first, and sprinkles water on the ground as she goes. Then we each sat in front of one of our brothers and painted the tika on their foreheads. Usually, tika is a mixture of red powder and rice which is applied to the forehead, but for Tihar, we use a special, (and prettier) tika. We first make one long white line on the forehead using white flour and water. Then we make a series of colorful dots on top of the white line. You can see this in the tihar pictures which are going up soon. After we give each brother this tika, we present them with a leaf plate overflowing with food, and we feed each of them a spoonful of yogurt. Once, we’ve fed them, the girls’ work is done.

While us girls are in charge of preparing an enormous feast for the boys, and of course, not eating any of it until much later in the day, the brothers are expected to give us gifts. And so this tihar, after receiving the same colorful tika, I was gifted two beautiful new kurtas. I’m wearing one in the pictures, and the other is so fancy it’s going to have to wait for a very special occasion. But between the gathering of family, the enormous amount of food, the lights, and of course, a gift or two, Bai tika is really the closest thing to Christmas we have here.

Of course, that’s not to say I don’t miss Christmas, but it does mean I really enjoy this time of year here in Nepal. And Didi and I have already started planning for next year’s Bai Tika, as it will be Buffalo’s first major holiday in the states, so we want to make sure he enjoys it. Speaking of Buffalo, he and I went to begin the marriage process last week. I’m also uploading, though incredibly slowly, pictures from our trips to the CDO office where marriages have to be registered. We now have to return their on Nov. 6th to complete the marriage process. But my new bedroom will be ready before that, so I’ll be moving to Buffalo’s house on Halloween. This means that my next blog post will probably come from my new home! Oh how exciting!

But I better get back to uploading all these photos. Mom has been complaining I’ve been neglecting you.

Missing you all!

Read more on "Oh Tihar, how I do love thee!"!

Christmas in Nepal...well sort of!

Dear All,

Today was another wonderful day in Kathmandu. In fact, it was a lot like one huge party. Today is the second day of Tihar, a huge Nepali festival (known as Diwali in India). It’s also called the festival of lights, and at least tonight, the name fits perfectly. All the houses are decorated in blinking lights of every color (like our Christmas lights) and firecrackers and fireworkers are being lit on at least half of the roofs of the city. Most people are having dinner and sweets with their families today, and doing a special “pooja” worship for the goddess Laxshimi, the bringer of wealth and good fortune. I’ve done what I could to get my flat ready as well, putting up a few marigold garlands and a couple strings of light, but I skimped on the pooja.



Instead, I went to one of my “brother’s” shops and watched as they worshipped. The main event of the worship is making pathways with multicolored sands or a white paste, and lighting the paths with small candles or oil lamps. The plan is that the goddess will follow the paths into the houses and bring them a year of blessings. My landlord was kind enough to paint a path to my door while I was out today, so I got to follow Laxshimi’s “footprints” to my door.

And even though, I didn’t join in any of the big family celebrations today, mostly, because I’m waiting for Bai Tika, the main event, I did enjoy a very nice vacation type day. Buffalo, myself and 9 other friends caught a matinee around 9 this morning in the new theater, and then Buffalo took me shopping for a new Kurta Surawel (the long tunic top, matching pants, and shawl typical of Nepal and India). Buffalo is a very patient shopper and a great bargainer, so I love shopping with him. And I love the kurta I finally picked out. I can’t wait to wear it Monday. Buffalo was also sweet enough to give in to my addiction and buy me yet another set of bangles for the holiday. I suppose I could have worn old ones, but we were in the bangle shop district and I just couldn’t help myself. I was practically drooling.

After shopping, Buffalo headed back home to work a half day, and I settled in for a nice nap. After my nap, I went into Thamel, the tourist district, and watched all the shopkeepers doing pooja. There were also a lot of children going from shop to shop singing Tihar songs for a few rupees from each shopkeeper. It’s a lot like our caroling and it was super fun to watch. But the singing has died down now that’s it’s gotten later, so all that’s left is the booms and cracks of the last few fireworks. And now that I’ve thought about my whole day, I realize I’m pretty sleepy. So I guess I’ll head off to bed. More Tihar stories after Monday, I promise.

Oh, and for those of you who keep asking, no, I’m not married yet. And I promise to tell you when I am. We are going to go to the office next week, maybe Tuesday, but it may still take some time after that. I’ll keep you posted.

So until Monday, sending happy festival filled wishes your way. Hope your night is as bright as ours is today! Lots of love,

Read more on "Christmas in Nepal...well sort of!"!

Another year, another holiday! :)

Dear all,
The Saturday before last saw the end of one of the two most important holidays here in Nepal, Dashain (pronounced Desai). This year, my Dashain was very short (it’s actually over a week long), because I’d only just arrived home from America, and neither of my families were having big celebrations this year, for various reasons. All the same, I did manage to have two wonderful days with both of my wonderful families.

My first day was more of a welcome home celebration than a Dashain celebration per se, but we still managed to give it a little Dashain flavor. I went over to Buffalo’s house to visit the family. I was thrilled to see everyone and everyone was excited to see me. And I felt a little like Santa Claus because I’d come with a big bag of gifts for everyone. I had a ton of fun handing them out, and most everyone seemed to like what I’d gotten them. (I may have been a tad off on one of the gifts, but you can’t please everyone, right?) I had expected we’d spend most of the day simply chatting, but to my delight, a deck of cards appeared and my mother in law handed each of us a stack of crisp five rupee notes to play with. Many Nepalis spend the Dashain holidays gambling at home, and I was glad to finally get a chance to join in. Sadly, it turns out I am really terrible at Nepali gambling games. They taught me three different games, not one of which I know the name of, but they were all much simpler than poker, and much easier to lose. My stack of money dwindled very quickly. For a change, and to try and keep playing once my money was out, I taught the family ERS (Egyptian Rat Screw). It took a second for them to catch on, but after the second pair came up, we were all rushing to pick up the pile. Little sister (Buffalo’s middle sister) was laughing so hard, I thought we were going to have to stop the game. And one of the younger cousins liked the game so much, he kept asking if we could play again. Maybe next time, I’ll have to teach them Euchre.
Shortly after that first wonderful day, Buffalo and I were invited to Didi and Dai’s house for a small Dashain dinner. I arrived extra early to pretend to help Didi by playing with the baby. (Despite my best efforts, I’m still largely useless in a Nepali kitchen, so I’m often relegated to babysitter on holidays.) I had hoped that after a month away, the baby would be thrilled to see her auntie, but I was greeted simply by, “Mero chocolate koi?” (English: Where is my chocolate?) I patiently told my little one I’d brought her a gift instead, and in exchange for a few hugs and kisses, I presented her with a set of baby bottles for her dolls. She was thrilled, and we spent the afternoon feeding the baby dolls and each other.



Didi and bahini had finished all of the preparations by about five o’ clock, and soon after people began arriving. I was particularly excited for this Dashain, because it was the first holiday my American bahini and I would be celebrating together. My American bahini has just arrived in Nepal for a “nursing Trek”. In Nepal, in order to help spur development there are many volunteering/vacation opportunities available to foreigners. My American bahini’s trek is a perfect example. Bahini and the other nurses will be trekking to several remote villages where they will refill the health posts with medicines their trekking fees help pay for and where they will volunteer their expertise along the way. In a lot of ways, despite my stance on development projects, it’s a wonderful idea, but it’s an expensive volunteering opportunity as it often costs as much or more than a pure vacation would. But her reasons for coming aside, it’s wonderful to have her in Nepal again, and it was even more wonderful to spend a holiday with her.

So Buffalo and Didi’s younger brother were kind enough to pick up American bahini and one of her nursing friends, and we all settled in with the rest of the family for a wonderful Dashain dinner. Dai gave each of us tika, the red powder and rice placed on the forehead as a blessing, and a little bit of Dashain money. Many of Dai’s sisters had come to receive blessings from their brother, blessings they will then return in the next big holiday, Tihar. I’m especially looking forward to Tihar this year, as both of the American sisters (me and American bahini) will be here to give Dai our blessings. And then next year, we will all be together again, celebrating Dashain and Tihar in the United States.

While dinner and blessings with the whole family were wonderful, my favorite part of the night was riding in the taxi with American bahini and her friend back to their hotel, while Buffalo went ahead on his bike. It was the first time I’d been able to introduce my Buffalo to someone from back home, and when American bahini spent the entire taxi ride telling me how much she liked him, I ate it up. Of course, she may have been flattering me a tad bit, but I’m still hoping she goes home and gushes to all of you about how fantastic my Buffalo really is. I know you will all see for yourselves soon enough, but hopefully hearing it from someone other than me will hold you over until we get home.

In the meantime, everyone is recovering from Dashain and heading back to work for the week or so that’s left before Tihar begins. It looks like I’ll also be heading back to teaching in a few days, and then perhaps back to the field during the Tihar holiday. But that’s yet to be determined. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to keep in touch, but I don’t have internet in the new flat, or at Buffalo’s house at the moment, so it will be a little touch and go for awhile. So not to worry, I haven’t gotten lost, just disconnected! But my thoughts are with all of you always!

Lots of Love,

Read more on "Another year, another holiday! :)"!

Home Sweet American Home

Dear all,
As many of you know, I’ve just returned from a month long visit back to the states. Wow, what a beautiful mess that was. I was so busy, I hardly had time to breathe, let alone write about the adventure. Ok, that’s not entirely true, but I consider resting a part of life’s necessary work. So when you factor in all of my resting time too, I really was manically busy. That said, instead of trying to give you a play by play of the trip, I’d rather tell you about what it feels like to return home after so much time away and about what this short pilgrimage showed me about how I’ve changed…and how I haven’t.

I have to say, I found the visit a very strange experience. I had been forewarned about “reverse culture shock”, but that’s not how I would describe my reaction to being home again. Sure there were some American habits I’m no longer proud of, but largely, I was amazed by how, within a few days of my returning, life continued on as though I’d never left. For me, this was both a miraculous and puzzling return to the life I had left behind. In some ways it was thrilling; the secret fear of all travelers is that home will change beyond recognition while we are gone, or worse still, that our little place in what was once our whole world will close up and we will never have a space to fit in to again.



But at the same time, it was disturbing, for the space that I’d left behind no longer fit the me I’d brought back, and I couldn’t fathom how my world didn’t have room for the things that had become so essential to who I am. Of course, part of this is Buffalo’s fault. I can’t even begin to express how strange it is to visit a place called home and find nothing of my soon to be husband in it. It was as if he’d simply been a dream, and I’d awoken to find him gone. But it was more than just this estrangement from a loved one. It felt as if an entire year of my life had vanished, and I had no way of accounting for it. I could try to describe that long year to those around me, but again it was like trying to describe a dream world to the waking. As an anthropologist, I often think of myself as a translator of cultures, as someone who can explain the meaning beyond what is simply said aloud. And in this sense, I felt like a failure on this visit home. I had come to know Nepali culture, but I realize now, I hadn’t learned how to make it known to others. It’s a mistake I’m earnestly going to work to rectify.

Of course, part of me wants to blame others for asking the wrong questions, or for being too caught up in the exoticism of it all, but I know most of the fault was my own. And in particular there was one question that was asked again and again, but I was never able to answer well. In fact, the answer didn’t come to me until yesterday morning. Time and time again, people asked me why I liked living in Nepal given all the creature comforts I forgo. It’s a question I probably should have asked myself before now, but I knew myself to be happy here and thought that was enough. I told some of you, it was the mountains, or the people, or the challenge. But the truth dawned on me quite simply the other morning just as I woke up. I opened my eyes as a cool breeze from the window swept across my room and guided my gaze to the just waking city several stories below my flat. It was 7 am, and I was glad to be awake. I got up slowly, truly enjoyed a cup of tea, and thought about the day that was stretching out in front of me. Though I was back in Nepal, back to the “grind” from my vacation in the states, I felt a relaxation and a peace I only know here. In the US, mornings, even lazy mornings that don’t start till 10, are something I dread. The day is undoubtedly going to be hectic, the work will be on someone else’s schedule according to someone else’s ideas, and everything I need to do, I will have to do alone. But in Nepal, that’s simply never the case. My line of work allows me enormous freedom, in Nepal, even more so. Nepalis recognize that stress is useless, and they simply avoid it. They see no need to rush to get something done, simply because there’s some sense that it’s important. The mentality of now, now, now, simply fades away. And the things that are truly enjoyable in life, finally get a few minutes to be, amazingly, truly enjoyable. Even now as I write, there’s still a list of things I’ve yet to do today in my head, but I also know, that not a single one of them is worth another knot in my back, a horrible headache, or being short with my buffalo simply because I’m stressed out. And it seems like such a simple thing, but to me, it makes the difference between being alive and living. Someday I hope to master this enough on my own that I can feel this way no matter where I go, but for now, I can only enjoy this Nepali life here, in Nepal.

More to follow very soon, (This time I swear it's already written!)

Lots of Love,


Read more on "Home Sweet American Home"!